


The Fire Within: Charlotte and Sidney

by ekuzma



Series: The Fire Within: Charlotte and Sidney [1]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Love, Lust, Passion, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:07:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 38,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ekuzma/pseuds/ekuzma
Summary: This is a spin-off of the PBS Sanditon series after they get their happily ever after, but taking it beyond Jane Austen's knowledge and experience, into their intimate, personal connection as a couple. It is a romance novel to share the love and passion of Charlotte and Sidney Parker. It begins on the morning of their wedding with them reflecting on their engagement and looking forward to what is to come and will take them on a journey to discovering each other and how to live as a married couple.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood - Relationship, Charlotte Parker, Mr. Parker - Relationship, Mrs. Parker - Relationship, Sidney Parker - Relationship
Series: The Fire Within: Charlotte and Sidney [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673386
Comments: 256
Kudos: 444





	1. Morning of the Wedding: Charlotte

**Author's Note:**

> I am a part of the Sanditon Sisterhood and a huge fan of Sanditon PBS. Like many, I too wish for a happily ever after. I have read most of the Sanditon Fan Fiction on here, which takes readers down the twists and turns of how Charlotte and Sidney find a way to be together. I love all of them! I am new to writing fan fiction and am quite surprised at my desire to do so. The Sandition series has changed me. As I have been reading the other fan fiction stories, I found myself wanting more...passion, lust, intimacy...all that Jane Austen couldn't give due to the time and what women were allowed to write. So, I am trying my hand at a piece of fan fiction- a Romance Novel to present what I want to see and imagine Charlotte and Sidney's relationship would be like beyond the wedding day.

It was the morning of her wedding when Charlotte awoke feeling well-rested even though she had hardly slept the night before. She has so many thoughts running through her head of all of the many moments and emotions that brought her to this day. Even with all of the heartache, pain and uncertainty over the last few months were all worth it to bring her to this moment today. She was nervous but mostly full of anticipation and excitement for the events awaiting her today. Yet, most of her thoughts traveled to what the night would bring. For while she couldn’t wait for her wedding and celebrate with her family and friends, she was most looking forward to her wedding night and the time to finally be truly alone with the one she loved most in the world, Sidney.  


She knew their wedding night would be full of passion, but knew not how to behave. As a young woman, she has been taught how to behave with propriety, restraint, and follow the rules that society dictated. Yet her feelings, desires, and wishes were at odds with how she has been taught to behave. Once she would be married, how would that all change? Was she still expected to be modest and show restraint, even when with her husband? She mulled this over often, when deep inside she wanted anything but to be modest with him. She wanted to show him her true desires and let him know what he inspired in her, ever since she first saw him, in all his beautiful, naked glory at the coves. 

At first, when she saw him like that she was shocked, but more at the physical response his image caused in her body, a warmth, heat rushing in waves throughout her body, her heart racing, her imagination spinning. She wondered what that incredible, strong, powerful, and masculine figure could do if she were only alone with him. Now, more than ever she thought about that moment, knowing that she would soon find out, which was tantalizing and exhilarating. Even now, her body responded to the image in her mind. 

When he finally was free from his engagement to Mrs. Campion through an incredible series of events put in motion by their friends and loved ones, he came to Charlotte begging on his knees for her forgiveness in hope that she would still love him and consent to be his wife. In her heart, she knew that he was forgiven in an instant. The love they had for each other had endured the months of pain and suffering and ended abruptly when she took him by the hand and pulled him to stand close to her. She looked him in the eyes and told him her heart was his long ago and always would be. They both felt such immense joy and relief when they stared deeply into one another’s eyes. Then on the same cliff where it all began, they again gave in to all of the emotions and leaned in simultaneously into a deep, passionate kiss full of love, longing, and lust. Time seemed to slip away, for they were only in that moment, the two of them, hearts racing, bodies igniting. The kiss quickly became deeper as Charlotte’s arms wrapped around Sidney’s neck and her fingers ran through the back of his hair. Sidney was desperate for Charlotte, all of her, pulling her closer to him as every second passed. His body responding to her warmth, her touch, their passion. 

In his despair, during their separation, he felt nothing and wanted no one but Charlotte. He had no release of the throbbing in him and couldn’t even find release from his own hand in her absence. Now that her body was so near and she would be his, all of his passion, longing, and need returned stronger than ever. He was hard, throbbing, aching, and needing to feel her, all of her. Unable to restrain himself, unable to consider the impropriety of what they were doing. Unable to be concerned about the possibility of being interrupted. Charlotte felt him, felt how hard he was, how close he was, and while consciously she wasn’t quite sure what it meant, or how to respond, her body bathed in his touch, how he felt, and wanted him…all of him. They were both caught in the fervor of each other, when abruptly Sidney broke the spell - pulled away, breathed heavily, roughly ran his fingers through his hair, adjusted himself in his trousers for the realization of the state he was in, and stepped back several feet. Charlotte felt the immediate loss of his touch, which took several moments to get herself composed and to control her breathing. She had not thought she was capable of losing her senses and losing herself in such a way. They were fortunate to have had the magnificent moment, uninterrupted, but the trance was broken…for now. 

Sidney apologized for losing himself and putting her in such a position, that her reputation could have been tainted. He said he was overcome by finally having her near, being able to touch her and kiss her – he promised to do better. Charlotte accepted his apology but knew she was as much to blame as he was, but her pride wouldn’t let her say so. They promised each other they would follow the rules of engagement, be more careful, and try to avoid this type of impropriety again…until they were finally married and could be alone together as man and wife. This promise proved to be quite difficult for both of them to keep. They are both naturally passionate, loving people, when combined with their love and passion for one another after a long separation, it was almost impossible to suppress their innermost desires. 

They were both very well-behaved and respectful when they were in company, but the pull on each other was explosive when they had even brief moments together. It was as if they held a low simmer in company that boiled over when given any amount of connection. Often it would start innocently, with a walk with their friends Lord and Lady Babington. They would speak politely to each other and occasionally let their hands brush. Lord and Lady Babington, being newly married themselves understood the desire Charlotte and Sidney had to be alone and would allow them the opportunity to wander down small paths in the woods, to re-connect with them later. As soon as Lord and Lady Babington were out of sight, they would fully take each other’s hands, stare deeply into one another’s eyes, and find the nearest tree to hind behind so they could embrace one another and steal kisses. Their kisses would begin with a soft, sweet, gentle caresses, but inevitably would end much as their first since they were re-united with deep longing, heat, passion, lust, and their bodies colliding against one another. 

One such time Sidney stopped, breathing heavily, with dark, lustful eyes and told Charlotte, “we must not allow ourselves to be alone even for brief moments until we are wed.” Charlotte was confused and Sidney continued, “I love you too much to risk ruining your reputation, for if we continue like this, I will have no restraint and will be forced to take you here and now in the woods, rather than the properly on our wedding night.” Realization hit Charlotte and her cheeks became flushed, her heart raced further, and her desire became so strong that she thought to herself that she wouldn’t mind if he did just that. However, her rational mind took over and she realized he was right. Their engagement wasn’t going to be long, though it seemed much longer after their absence from each other. At that moment, they both realized that distance and propriety were what was needed and they would have to wait until their wedding night to be able to fully give in to their overwhelming desire for one another.  
Charlotte thought of all of these moments now as she lay in her bed on the morning of her wedding. She longed to feel Sidney’s touch, kisses, and join with him body and soul. But for now….she had to come back to reality, for she had a wedding to get ready for. So, she stole herself out of her bed in the Crowne Hotel in Sanditon to go wake her sister, Allison, to help her prepare for the day ahead.


	2. Morning of the Wedding: Sidney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter looks at the morning of the wedding from Sidney's perspective as he reflects on how he and Charlotte have come together, where they are now, and how he needs to control his lust for her. I hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive comments, kudos, and bookmarking my work. I am really enjoying writing it and hope you will continue to enjoy reading it.

At almost the same time that Charlotte lay in her bed dreaming of what was to come, Sidney sat up alone in his room at Trafalgar House reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future. This was new for him, to feel true happiness and hopeful. For so long he felt he was destined to be alone, an outlier, he felt that he would never find a true partner, like Mary, was to Tom…until he met Miss Charlotte Heywood, who turned his life upside-down and woke him up little by little. 

Even before he was fully aware, he was completely under her spell and felt a constant pull to even get a small glimpse of her. When he finally realized his feelings he began to dream about the possibilities and was ready to share his life with this unique, challenging, sometimes infuriating, and altogether amazing, beautiful, honest, and inspiring woman. When he realized she felt the same he was elated, but it only lasted a brief moment and the hope and joy almost immediately slipped through his fingers. 

Because of his brother’s follies, he was required to engage himself to Mrs. Eliza Campion. The woman who was once the center of his world now showed her true nature, that she was a cold, insipient, selfish creature whose vanity was of utmost importance to her. She lacked depth, compassion, passion, and above all…she was not Charlotte. He couldn’t help but compare her every move to Charlotte and how she paled in comparison to the radiant, lively, lovely Miss Heywood, who should have been his. During those months of being tied to Mrs. Campion, he tried to do as his dearest Charlotte bid, but he found himself slipping, destroying himself with his guilt, anger, resentment, hopelessness, and despair. For if he couldn’t have Charlotte in his life, he would never find true happiness and the man she brought out in him disappeared. 

Then, as if by a miracle, his friends and loved ones pulled him out of the darkness and fought for him, the way he should have fought for his and Charlotte’s happiness. They saw his true feelings and couldn’t let him sacrifice himself and his future happiness for Tom and Sanditon. Sidney began, ever so slightly, to begin to hope again for the future and the ability to reunite with his true love.  
Eventually, he and Charlotte found their way back to one another and he was free to beg her forgiveness and ask that one important question he should have months ago at the Sanditon Midsummer Ball. He was shocked, Charlotte forgave him in an instant and ran to him with joy and love. His heart, which had been so guarded for so long was now wide open and the feelings he tried to restrain came flooding in as he crashed into her with all of the unrestrained love and passion he could show her. At that moment, he completely lost himself in Charlotte, lost control of all of his senses, and any sense of propriety. None of that mattered all that mattered was he was hers and she was his and they were connected so deeply, full of love, lust, and longing. He felt himself not only losing control of his emotions but his body as well – he could not suppress his desire for her…all of her, which was evident to them both by his physical reaction. Her body was pressed to tight against him in their passionate embrace and fervor. He was hard, throbbing, aching, and needed to feel the release in her. He tried to restrain himself, multiple times, but the length of their separation made it impossible to let her go for fear he would lose her again. 

Eventually, he began to consider the impropriety of what they were doing and the need to stop for fear they would be interrupted. He had to break the spell, had to pull away…it took all of his control to finally step away. To be safe he took several steps away, because the closer they stood the stronger the pull was to be near Charlotte and devour her. His breathing was heavy, face flushed, heart pounding in his chest and throbbing in his ears. He had to run his hands through his hair to slow himself down and calm his breathing. It took some minutes of looking off in the horizon to be able to come back to his sense and the reality of where they were and the state he was in. He needed to adjust himself in his trousers and finally show some restraint and decorum which he owed Charlotte. 

The guilt Sidney felt for how he overtook her, or at least he felt that he did. Lost in his own feelings, he was unable to fully see that Charlotte was a more than willing participant, who herself was lost in his touch and closeness. He apologized profusely and begged her forgiveness for losing himself and putting her in such a position. He was terrified that his behavior could have a negative effect on her reputation when all he wanted was the best for her. He promised to comport himself better and Charlotte, with her excellent, forgiving, generous nature accepted his apology with grace. He knew he had to keep some distance between then to be able to better follow the rules of engagement and to avoid this type of impropriety again…until they were finally married and could be alone together as man and wife. 

He kept reminding himself of how a true gentleman should behave and every morning woke with the intention to start anew, yet his promise proved to be quite difficult for him to keep. When he was in her presence, even if she were across the room, he could feel her, he instinctively knew where she was in the room, and her pull on him was strong. He needed to look in her eyes, to watch her move, to see her smile and laugh, to enjoy the view as he looked upon her beautiful figure. Even just seeing her he would feel that surge in him causing a physical response that made his trousers feel tight against him. When they were fortunate enough to sit next to one another it was exhilarating and torturous. They would find excuses to brush their hands against one another, press their legs next to one another, in the simplest manner. But even those moments invoked such an immense desire in him it was difficult to contain. 

When they were gifted long walks with their friends Lord and Lady Babington, who devised ways for them to be alone, he was lost to his all-consuming desire for Charlotte. As soon as Lord and Lady Babington were out of sight time seemed to stop and speed up all at once. He always started with soft, tender, loving, respectful kisses, but before he knew it his lips were crashing into Charlotte’s as he leaned into her against a tree, pressing harder and harder against her, the need overcoming him. 

He knew this could not go on, he would completely lose himself and his ability to act with care and reason. He stilled himself and took all his strength to finally resolve to keep his distance from Charlotte until their wedding, at the very least to avoid any stolen moments alone with one another. While their engagement was not long, it seemed that time slowed for his anticipation was strong.  
This morning, the day of his wedding, he was full of excitement, joy, love, pride, and anticipation. He couldn’t wait to make Charlotte his wife in front of all the world, especially his family and friends. He was so proud to have her by his side and looked forward to beginning the rest of his life with her. He was also worried. He knew Charlotte was inexperienced as was dictated by societal expectations. His desire was so strong and he had up to this point struggled with restraint in her presence. He wanted to take his time and drink in all of her but feared when finally, truly alone with her, he would lose all sense of control. He feared he would hurt her. In an attempt to control his fervor he took his release in his own hand twice in the previous night, to attempt to quiet the aching in his body, his need to bury himself in her. Yet, as he sat in his room alone, he could feel his need becoming stronger as the time where they would be alone was coming near. He wondered what her expectations of their wedding night would be and vowed to take his time…so he could drink her in and relish in her delights before he allowed his own. 

He made himself snap out of the reverie for he wouldn’t be able to keep his vow if he kept dreaming of the night ahead. He jumped up out of his chair to ready himself for the day ahead and called his valet to begin the preparations.


	3. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter walks us through the necessary preparations made in the weeks before the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter is not as steamy as my first two, it is setting the stage for future chapters. Bear with me, I will get to the hot and heavy again ;) 
> 
> I already have 5 more chapters in the works...

Since the Banns were published just over 3 weeks ago in both the Sanditon and Willingden Parishes, much had happened as Sidney and Charlotte prepared for their wedding and their future as man and wife. Sidney began to lavish Charlotte with gifts to show his love. He didn’t want Charlotte to ever want for anything. While her family was of a respectable income and owned land, farmed, and collected rents from tenants, she was one of twelve children. Sidney knew she had had little for herself and often lived modestly. 

In preparation of making his future wife a fashionable lady of society, he hired a lady’s maid for her. He sought advice and recommendations from Charlotte’s dear friend, Lady Susan Worcester. He wanted Charlotte to not only have a highly skilled lady’s maid to attend to her personal needs, her toilette, hair, and wardrobe, he wanted someone who would be a trusted confidante. He wanted to assure their privacy would be maintained and the lady’s maid would maintain the utmost discretion, and to discourage any gossiping among any other future household servants. 

Charlotte was getting used to having her new lady’s maid, Abigail, around and had to learn how to get comfortable having a servant of her own. The first of many major changes to come, for she would be the Mistress of a household and would have to manage running her own home. Charlotte was always very capable and helped her mother and father greatly in managing their own home, so she wasn’t terribly nervous, but still felt some trepidation at the forthcoming change in her life. Luckily she would have a honeymoon to enjoy before the full weight of her new life would be felt. 

As Sidney lived in London in Bedford Place, the home he shared with his brothers and sister, he wanted to purchase a new home for his new wife. Yet, with the strong desire to wed as quickly as possible, there wasn’t time enough to do so with thorough planning and with the advice of his solicitor. Instead, he chose to let an estate for a twelvemonth so he and Charlotte had a place to settle while they determined where they would like to purchase a home and whether or not they also desired a London home as well. The estate, Bowood House, was a modest estate on the edge of old Sanditon. It had a fair amount of property, a pretty garden, and grounds, with a small stable. It was near Sidney’s brother Tom and his family in Sanditon, yet not too near to allow frequent unexpected visits from such family. It would allow for some space and privacy for him and Charlotte. Sidney and Charlotte also planned to spend their wedding night in Bowood House, before taking leave for their honeymoon. 

So much was changing in Sidney’s life already and he wasn’t yet married. He wasn’t begrudging or resentful about the changes, rather he made them happily with pride at the new life he was making for and with his future wife. As he hadn’t previously owned his own home, he didn’t have a staff of servants on hand for the management of Boswood House. In the few weeks before the wedding after hiring a lady’s maid for Charlotte, Sidney sought assistance from Mary and the butler and housekeeper of Trafalgar House to hire a butler, a housekeeper, a cook, maid, kitchen maid, a groom, and stable hand - all to start immediately. 

Sidney wanted everything to be perfect for his Charlotte. He sought Lady Susan’s help in taking Charlotte to London to a highly sought after modiste, Mrs. Bell, to commission her wedding gown. He made the instructions clear, no expense was to be spared, and he wanted only the best for her. Lady Susan also took her to the famous shoe store, Wood, to purchase new slippers. As a gift to Charlotte Lady Susan also had the modiste commission a beautiful chemise for her wedding night. 

While the ladies were away preparing Charlotte’s wedding fashion, Sidney was commissioning a wedding ring for Charlotte. He chose to have a beautiful gold ring with a fluted shank, forked shoulder, with a large oval blue topaz in the center, flanked by two small round diamonds made. While there he also commissioned a simple gold band for himself. 

Sidney’s attention to detail was exceptional. He made sure the new servants were in place, readying Boswood House for their wedding night. The new housekeeper, Ms. Gardiner, oversaw that the house was cleaned from top to bottom. She had the new cook, Ms. Price, order and plan a beautiful private dinner and ordered a fine breakfast for the following morning for their new masters. Ms. Gardiner saw that the maid prepared the master bedroom to Mr. Parker's specifications - a fire blazing, candles circling the room, and rose petals sprinkled on the floor. All of the preparations were in place…now all that was left for Charlotte and Sidney to do was to ready themselves for their wedding when they would be bound to one another for the rest of their lives.


	4. Getting Ready: Charlotte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte readies herself for her walk down the aisle.

Charlotte woke her sister Allison before she called for Abigail to help them get ready for the ceremony. She needed Allison by her side this morning to steady her nerves and give her the confidence and support she needed. Allison was happy to be with her sister, to enjoy the last few moments she had with her as she remained a Miss Heywood before she became Mrs. Charlotte Parker. Charlotte and Allison were extremely close. Growing up they were the closest in age, they shared a room, and their temperaments complemented one another. Where Charlotte was outgoing, brave, playful, and athletic, Allison was quiet, reserved, thoughtful, and serious. Charlotte brought Allison out of her shell and Allison brought Charlotte calm. While Allison was truly happy for her sister, she was sad at the loss of their intimacy and sisters, friends, and confidantes. 

Abigail was a young woman in her late twenties, who had worked as a maid in a large estate in the neighboring town ever since she was around eleven or twelve, where she began as a scullery maid and through hard work and dedication moved into other roles with more responsibility, including a nursery maid, and was learning to be a ladies maid when she was given the opportunity to be a lady’s maid to a Miss Charlotte Heywood, soon to be Mrs. Charlotte Parker. She felt blessed to have the opportunity to finally be a ladies made in a modest home. Abigail was gifted, gentle, had a soft touch, and was friendly, sweet, and Sidney knew she would be the perfect person to be Charlotte’s lady’s maid. Abigail hadn’t been working for Charlotte long when she had the honor of attending to her on the day of her wedding. 

Sidney wrote Charlotte a letter on the morning of their wedding and asked Tom’s footman, Andrew, to deliver it to Charlotte along with a small gift. Charlotte was sitting at the vanity while Abigail was working on her hair when she received the letter and gift Sidney sent. Receiving the gift, brought a tender smile on her face. She first opened the letter, which read:

My dearest and loveliest Charlotte,

I woke this morning with only thoughts of you and dreams of our future life together. You are the light of my life, you have shown me what love really is. You make me a better man, as I once told you I am my best, truest self when I am with you. I have never wanted to put myself in anyone else’s power, but I am yours, body and soul. I promise to love you now and forever. 

Yours,   
Sidney

Her heart soared when she read his note and brought the first of many tears to her eyes that day. She opened the small delicately wrapped gift and found a beautiful string of pearls. 

Abigail already showed such a talent for styling Charlotte, but this morning she outdid herself. She styled Charlotte’s hair and applied her make-up in just the right way that Charlotte still felt like herself but with an extraordinary glow. Her hair was styled with hair products that had a slight perfume with hints of violet and vanilla. It was swept up off her neck with a fine lace ribbon weaved between her beautiful soft, brown curls. Small pearls were pinned in just the right places, and a few small curls were left loosely out along the sides of her face. Abigail applied a thin layer of make-up to enhance her youthful glow, which included a thin layer of pearl powder, a light rouge upon her cheeks, and a soft rose-colored balm to her lips. All of these little touches enhanced her natural beauty, brought out the brightness to her eyes and made her lips appear fuller and richer. 

Abigail helped Charlotte dress, tightened her corset stays over her shift, helped pull her dress on over her head. Her wedding gown was elegant, classic, with touching simplicity. It had just the right amount of adornments. The dress was made of cream satin, topped with a thin layer of tulle. It was a cap-sleeved gown that buttoned down the back and had a very décolleté square neckline with a high waistline cinched just under her breasts highlighting her full bosom. The bodice was adorned with gold stitching with clear beading and pearls in the most attractive pattern. It flowed around her body gently to the floor where the bottom was trimmed with point Brussels lace and embroidered gold flowers. The dress fit her perfectly and clung to her body highlighting the natural outline of her body presenting the perfect balance of innocence and allurement.

Charlotte’s look was finished off with the strand of pearls Sidney gave her, beautiful beaded dangly earrings, and long cream satin gloves. Her shoes were a pair of low court heels cream satin slippers with a scooped throat, a satin bow tied on the top, and her wedding date inscribed on the instep on her right shoe. Now that her dress was complete, Abigail finally let Charlotte take a look at herself. Charlotte could not believe her eyes, for while she was looking at herself, she had never felt so beautiful. Beyond her natural beauty, was beaming with joy which radiated out from within to such an extent she had an ethereal glow about her.


	5. Getting Ready: Sidney

Sidney had plenty of time to ready himself, so he wanted to send Charlotte a note and the gift he got for her at one of the shops in town. When he walked past the window display and saw the beautiful, yet simple natural pearl necklace, he knew he had to get it for Charlotte. It reminded him of her, they are beautiful at first, glance and appear simple and commonplace. Yet, when you look closer you realize how unique each pearl is. Each pearl has a slightly different shape, and tone, they shine beautifully, and what may seem like an imperfection to some is what makes it more beautiful, rare, and precious. 

Sidney knew that he would have very little time with Charlotte to share his feelings with her until they were alone. So, he wrote her a letter to make sure she was in no doubt to his feelings and would know she was making the right decision by becoming his wife. He wrote what he felt inside, yet he was unable to out to words all that was in his heart. He thought to himself, was the letter too short? Would she understand the depth of the feelings, even with so few words on the page? He resolved that the letter was sufficient, so he sealed the letter. Fortunately, the shopkeeper had wrapped the necklace beautifully when he purchased it, so now all that was to be done was to have Andrew, one of the footmen at Trafalgar House, deliver the letter to Charlotte at the Crowne Hotel. 

As the wedding was set to begin at 10am, Sidney had time to prepare for the service. He had something light to eat, drank his coffee, and enjoyed his morning with his family. Of course Tom, Mary, and the children were there, but Diana and Arthur also stopped by to wish him well. While Diana, Arthur, and Tom all had their idiosyncrasies, they were his family, they were loyal to each other, and he loved them all dearly. He enjoyed this extra time with his family, even with all of the chaos at Trafalgar House. Diana was all in a flutter, more flushed, and talking much faster than usual. Arthur was his usual jolly self, and even more so because he was happy that Charlotte would officially become part of our family. Tom was, well, he was Tom. Even on this joyous day, he still found a way to talk about the success of Sanditon. Mary, the rock in the family, was serene, and happy. She took Sidney aside and with a happy tear in her eye, said “Sidney, it is such a joy to see you this way, so happy, and in love. You deserve every happiness.” Finally, as Mary said the words, he believed that he did. 

It was time for Sidney to ready himself for this momentous occasion. His valet dressed him in a white linen shirt, white silk cravat. He wore a black cut-away tailored jacket which fit to his muscular form perfectly. The buttons to his jacket were left open to show his waistcoat. He wore cream-colored buckskin trousers that were so fitted one could see the contours of his leg muscles and clearly exposing the contours of his penis. His form looked like a sculpture of a Greek god. He wore stockings with black pumps and a top hat. Now he was ready to head to the church.


	6. The Ceremony

Charlotte’s heart was fluttering with tears in her eyes as she looked upon her father when he took her arm – gave a light squeeze. Charlotte knew her life as Miss Charlotte Heywood was ending, her life in Willingden as she knew it was over, her life as a child had ended, now she embarked on the journey of becoming a wife and a mistress of her own home. This moment while she stood there outside the church doors with her father was full of emotions, was bittersweet. For she grieved the loss of her childhood and the closeness with her family, she rejoiced in what the future promised with Sidney.  


Mr. Heywood’s eyes were watery and his voice was choked as if all the words he wanted to say were caught in his throat. He was truly happy that Charlotte was happy and was marrying the man she loved. He felt in his heart Sidney loved her as much if not more than she loved him. Mr. Heywood was happy that her life would be comfortable and she would be provided for. He saw that she was marrying her equal in mind and spirit, a man who would challenge her as she needed to be challenged, respect her, protect her, and appreciate her. Yet, his dearest Charlotte was no longer going to be his, for she would now belong to another man. This caused his heart to squeeze and he felt a lump in his throat. He wasn’t ready to let her go but knew he must, because she was ready. 

Mr. Heywood finally leaned in and said, “my darling Charlotte I love you more than you can know, you are such a beautiful woman inside and out and make your old man proud.” He then placed a gentle kiss upon Charlotte’s cheek, and said: “Are you ready, because I think it is time?” Charlotte looked at her father adoringly, said “I love you too Papa”, kissed him on his cheek then said, “Yes, I am now.” She breathed deeply, exhaled slowly and then took one large step forward. 

Sidney stood waiting on the right side at the front of the church. He was restless, anxious to get a glance at his bride. Self-doubt crept in and he was fearful for the briefest of moments that she wouldn’t come. Babbington, who was Sidney’s best man, saw the unease in Sidney, placed a hand on his shoulder, gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze. He said, “All will be well man.” This simple gesture meant more than Sidney could say, it allowed him to relax. 

As he sighed deeply in relief, the music started and the church doors opened. A smile crept on his face as he knew the rest of his life was about to begin. When the doors first opened the light spilling in from outside made it difficult for him to see Charlotte. Then as she stepped into view, the sight of her took Sidney’s breath away. She was a vision, so beautiful, soft, pure, and glowing. She was circled by the sun’s light until the doors closed behind her. His heart beat faster in his chest, his hands began to tremble ever so slightly, his palms became slightly damp, and he felt himself get choked up. All of his wishes, desires, and dreams were about to come true. As she walked down the aisle, Sidney saw nothing but Charlotte. His eyes stared deeply into hers and he would not risk looking away for even one second. They were connected, he could feel her as she moved closer to him. 

At first, when Charlotte entered the church it was difficult for her eyes to adjust to the light inside. She could barely see what was in front of her. When her eyes adjusted and she looked down the long aisle of the church, she saw Sidney, like a beacon calling to her. His eyes bore into her soul, she felt his presence in her core, his pull was strong. While she was on her father’s arm and was passing by smiling guests, she only saw Sidney. Their eyes locked on one another. She felt her heart quicken, but only out of pure joy. She eventually came to the end of the aisle, where her father brought her to stand across from Sidney on the left. Their eyes still connected, they instinctually joined hands. Allison stood behind Charlotte and Babbington stood behind Sidney. As broad smiles spread across Charlotte and Sidney’s faces the ceremony began. 

The ceremony went by in a blur, and before they knew it, Charlotte and Sidney had read their vows, and Reverend Hankins announced, “and I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.” It took almost no time before Sidney took Charlotte into a loving embrace and kissed her deeply for the first time as a married couple. Immediately after, the marriage lines were entered into the Sanditon parish register book, signed by Reverand Hankins, the parish clerk, Charlotte, Sidney, Allison, and Lord Babbington, and a copy was given to Charlotte. It was official they were now husband and wife. Charlotte, was now, Mrs. Charlotte Parker.


	7. The Wedding Breakfast

The wedding was performed at ten o’clock in the morning, as was the custom, followed by a wedding breakfast, where bread, hot rolls, buttered toast, ham, eggs, and drinking chocolate was served. The wedding cake was filled with candied fruit, soaked in brandy, and decorated with almond icing. 

Now that the ceremony was over Charlotte and Sidney were able to think about their wedding and all of the details. Flowers were scattered at the church porch. Allison had outdone herself and made immaculate floral decorations and garland to decorate the church. She made Charlotte’s bridal bouquet and Sidney’s boutonniere. The wedding was a simple, elegant, private country ceremony at the Sanditon Parrish church. Sidney could not help but notice the difference between the wedding Mrs. Campion was planning and his actual wedding with Charlotte. This was much more to his taste and a reflection of his true self. The ceremony was simple as prescribed by the Book of Common Prayer, and performed by Reverend Hankins. Attended by family and close friends – Lord and Lady Babbington, Georgiana, Beaufort sisters, Mrs. Griffiths, Mr. Stringer, the entire Parker family, the entire Heywood family, Lady Susan, Lady Denham, Mr. Crowe. 

Tom approached Charlotte and shook her out of her reverie. He said, “well, well, Sanditon was saved…and now I can see my brother and his wife happy…happy day indeed.” Lady Denham was standing near and moved over to Charlotte after Tom left her side. When she approached Charlotte, she rolled her eyes in Tom’s direction. Lady Denham, smiled and said, “yes, yes, of course, I always knew this would come to be…that you would find a husband in Sanditon. Well, I can honestly say I am happy for you. I hope your Mr. Sidney Parker is worthy of you.” Charlotte couldn’t help but smile at Lady Denham’s words, remembering the Pineapple Luncheon in honor of Georgiana. Both she and Lady Denham were right, she had found a husband in Sanditon, and had only been induced to marry by the deepest affection.

Sidney and Charlotte moved around the wedding breakfast to make sure they spoke with all of their guests and thanked them for celebrating with them. While Charlotte was speaking with Lady Denham, Crowe came up beside Sidney, drunk as always, said, “well Sidney, what am I to do now – you and Babbington are both of you lost? Who am I to drink and carouse with? Who am I to bet on in the boxing matches if you will be retiring?” Sidney just smiled and said, “as always, I am sure you will figure something out.”

Next to congratulate the newlyweds were Lord and Lady Babbington. Of course, Lord Babbington was all smiles and happy to congratulate Sidney and Charlotte. He was ecstatic that now they could spend more time in each other’s company, for Charlotte could entertain Esther. Esther approached Charlotte with her usual serious face, almost like a scowl, then a broad smile spread across her face. Esther said, “I am truly happy for you both, and I am glad to have you as a dear friend. It will be lovely to be in your company more often.”

Charlotte then took a moment to step away and catch her breath, she was so unused to being the center of attention. As she stood to the side away from the guests at the breakfast, Mary took the opportunity to have a private word with Charlotte. Mary said, “Oh Charlotte…I am so happy, you have already been like family to me and the children, much like a sister to me. Now it is official, we are sisters. I must say, I have never seen Sidney so happy. You make him shine. You have not only restored him to his once vibrant self, but you have made him a better, wiser man. The change in him is remarkable.” Mary continued with tears in her eyes, “my only regret is that you could have been together sooner if it wasn’t for Tom and his poor choices.” Charlotte said honestly, “All is forgotten, we are together now and couldn’t be happier.” This put Mary at ease and she returned to the company.

While still trying to catch her breath, she stole glances at Sidney and her heart swelled. She was truly happy. At this moment her mother came up to her. Mrs. Heywood said, “Charlotte, I am truly happy for you and Sidney. While this may not be the best time, I have once piece of advice for you for your wedding bed. Trust yourself, trust your instincts, and trust Sidney. He genuinely loves for you and will be gentle with you.” Charlotte thought about that for a moment, she was glad to hear that her mother saw that Sidney loved her and trusted him, but was puzzled by the thought that Sidney would be gentle with her. She believed she wanted him to be gentle, but when thinking of their passion she thought, was that really what she wanted? 

Charlotte returned to the celebratory wedding breakfast. Sidney came near, held her hand, and whispered in her ear. She could feel the warmth of his breath, the closeness of his lips, as Sidney said, “my darling I can’t wait to be able to finally celebrate alone with you.” Charlotte blushed and averted her gaze. She feared that all her guests would know the type of thoughts that were running through her mind. Both Charlotte and Sidney were desperate to be alone and were waiting for the moment when they could leave and go to Boswood House.


	8. A Carriage Ride

The wedding breakfast was finally at an end and it was time for Charlotte and Sidney to take their leave of their guests. They were to first go to Boswood House, their new home for the next year, for the night, then would be off on their honeymoon. For Charlotte…and Sidney, there was so much expectation for what their wedding night would entail. While both were relieved and excited to be able to finally be truly alone with one another, neither knew exactly what to think or how to behave. 

Sidney, of course, was the more experienced of the two when it came to romantic liaisons. Yet, for him, he was in unchartered territory. He had never lain with a woman he had affection for, and his love for Charlotte was so deep, he didn’t know how to feel or behave. It seemed easier when he was with other women. He paid for services for his immediate pleasure, then the moment was over and he would leave. How would he feel with the woman he loved, the woman he longed for, the woman who was his? These thoughts ran through his head as he walked over to his beloved new wife, Charlotte. 

This morning Charlotte was caught in reverie about her and Sidney’s past and all of the moments that brought them to this point, where she was now Mrs. Charlotte Parker….Sidney’s wife. During the ceremony, she was in a trance and under Sidney’s spell, but for a short time, it seemed to have broken, while in the company of their friends and family at the wedding breakfast. She began to feel nervous and somewhat distant. She had been so distracted by their guests and the attention that she was receiving that the connection between her and Sidney seemed to have weakened. How would Sidney behave when they were alone? How should she behave…as society dictated…as her heart and body desired? If she were to let her heart and body take over, what would Sidney think of her…would he think less of her? Charlotte was lost in thought briefly with these thoughts running through her head when she saw Sidney approaching. He seemed determined as he walked toward her, yet less confident, slightly nervous himself. Could that be? 

“My dear Charlotte, the time has come for us to take our leave”, Sidney said as he looked deep in her eyes with flushed cheeks. “Yes, of course”, was Charlotte’s reply. Charlotte was currently standing near Mrs. Griffiths and Reverend Hankins who were talking. She had been unaware of the last 5 minutes of their conversation for she had been lost in her own mind. They took little notice, as they were so engrossed in each other’s conversation, so she had a good excuse for being so quiet. Charlotte politely said her goodbyes to the present company and Sidney followed. 

Sidney put out his arm for her and Charlotte gently placed her hand on his extended arm. Charlotte’s doubts about the spell being broken and the distance she felt was put to an end immediately as her hand touched his arm and her body felt an intense rush of electricity through it. Her breath came up short causing Sidney to look at her cautiously. When their eyes met they both held each other’s gaze and with it, they again felt all the longing that began after their lips parted on the cliff after their very first kiss.

They both felt warm and flushed, feeling the heat rising from their chests. They had to look away, for they were in company and wouldn’t want anyone to realize the thoughts that were going through their minds. After taking a deep breath, they took slow, steady steps to their waiting carriage. They waved and smiled at their guests, finally taking their leave on the way to being truly alone with one another. Once they reached the carriage Sidney held out his hand to help Charlotte into the carriage. Once she was in, he quickly joined her – at sat next to her as close as he could, so he could feel her warmth against him.

They sat together in silence in the carriage, not wanting to look at one another, and fidgeting with their hands in their laps. When the carriage started, Sidney broke the silence and said, “it was a beautiful ceremony and breakfast, was it not?” Even as he said it, he felt awkward and silly. Was he on that cliff again talking to her about the weather and the ball? Had he lost all reason and ability to talk? Was this what she did to him? Charlotte chuckled softly almost to herself, but he heard it. It made him chuckle in reply and seemed to help break the tension. Charlotte replied, “yes, it was a beautiful ceremony.” She then swallowed for the courage before looking straight into his eyes and said, “My favorite part was when we were finally announced husband and wife and you kissed me.” The words came out more sensual and breathless than she had planned. As the words came out, she leaned in close to her new husband. Her enticing bosom in Sidney’s full view and brushed across his chest. 

Sidney turned to face Charlotte, her face only an inch away from his, her breath hot and rapid. Her chest rising with her breathing, so much so that she was nearly spilling out of the top of her low décolleté neckline. He closed the small space between them and embraced her fully, kissing her deeply, and losing himself. Before they knew it the carriage came to a stop in front of Boswood House. They lost time and forgot themselves once again. Caught in their kiss and embrace, Sidney pulled his lips gently away from Charlotte’s, brushed his nose against hers and then rested his forehead against hers and they both inhaled sharply before separating completely. They needed to quickly get themselves together to look respectable before they were to step out of the carriage. Charlotte stirred Sidney to such a degree that he yet again had to adjust himself in his trousers, so as to not shock the new servants upon their first entry to their home as a newly married couple.


	9. Finally Alone...

When Charlotte and Sidney arrived as Boswood House, they were greeted by the entire new staff who welcomed them into their new home. They were polite but expeditious in their greeting and quickly released them to continue their duties. When they reached the entry Sidney surprised Charlotte by swiftly picking her up in his arms as if she were as light as a feather, and carrying her through the threshold. She was thrilled at his closeness and feeling his strong, hard body against hers. Her body started to respond to his touch. Once in the house, he didn’t set her down on her feet as she expected, he rushed up the stairs with Charlotte still in his arms. He didn’t want to waste any precious time…they had waited long enough. He wanted her and wanted her now. 

He stopped just outside of her dressing room. While she was still in his arms he leaned down and kissed her gently, then placed her on her feet. He said with a genuine smile on his face, “How does it feel to be home…Mrs. Parker?” Charlotte was elated to hear those words from his mouth. She replied, “It is wonderful to be in our home…Mr. Parker.” Sidney said in earnest, “It does, it truly does….to finally be at home with my beautiful wife.” He bowed, and continued, “I will now leave you in Abigail’s hands to ready yourself. I will be waiting for you in our bedchamber.” They both looked at each other and swallowed deeply. 

Sidney went to his dressing room, where his valet, Mr. Oliver, was waiting. Mr. Oliver responded to Sidney’s request to hurry the process and quickly removed his wedding attire. Sidney then put on his nightshirt, a thin, white, long-sleeve shirt that hit mid-thigh. He put a silk ankle-length banyan robe over top. He then entered the Master bedroom, where everything was prepared perfectly to his instruction – a fire was blazing, candles were lit circling the room in a soft glow, and rose petals sprinkled on the floor. On top of that, there was some wine, 2 wine glasses, and a plate with cheese, fruit, and bread. Ms. Gardiner must have added that touch, thinking it may be some time before they returned from their bedchamber. Now all he had to do was wait…which seemed like an eternity. He decided to drink a glass of wine while he waited, in hope that it might settle his nerves. He felt like a schoolboy in his anticipation…

When Charlotte walked into her dressing room, Abigail was happily waiting for her. She had laid out the package that contained the new nightgown that Lady Susan had given her. Abigail removed Charlotte’s wedding clothes efficiently, but respectfully. Charlotte was given a moment to freshen up at the washbasin, then was ready to put on her new chemise. It was beautiful, made of a fine light pink silk, with short sleeves, a loose top that hung low over her breasts, and flowed close around her body to just above the knee. There was beautiful embroidery on the lower part of the chemise. Abigail returned and helped Charlotte unpin her hair. Charlotte thought about what her mother said, “trust yourself, trust your instincts, and trust Sidney.” Was her mother trying to tell her that the societal rules do not apply when in the marriage bed? Either way, Charlotte trusted herself, her instincts, and Sidney, and was ready to join her husband in their bedchamber. 

Charlotte took a slow, deep breath, then slowly opened the door to her and Sidney’s bedchamber. While confident in what she wanted, no one had ever seen her in the state she was in, with only a thin, short chemise covering her body. She walked slowly through the door and kept her gaze at her feet. When Sidney heard the door begin to open, his eyes darted to the doorway and his pulse quickened. He could feel his anticipation increase every moment that passed before he saw her step through. 

Charlotte was the most beautiful creature he ever beheld. She was always beautiful to him, but now as she was, he could see so much of her, and she was a vision. Her chemise was so thin, it was almost sheer. He immediately became hard and felt a strong ache in his groin, a growing need for release. The chemise hung perfectly around her curves, the sheer fabric clung to her buttocks, and nipples could be clearly seen through the garment. She was exquisite and enchanting. He figure was striking. While petite and small, she was thick through the hips and her full breasts were truly divine. She looked like a goddess, a siren calling him in from the see. He was caught in a trance by her song. 

Sidney didn’t wait for her to come to him. He quickly closed the space between them. Once within inches of her, he slowed and approached with caution, as if she were fragile and breakable. He called her name softly, “Charlotte.” She finally had the courage to look him in the eye. Sidney took a deep breath as he stepped closer, so close that their bodies were brushing against one another. His breathing increased and pulsed quickened further as he felt his ache become stronger. He tried to slow himself down, so he gently pressed his forehead against hers, then kissed her gently and softly. Then he ended the kiss so he could take his time and explore her incredible body. He wanted to feel her skin. He caressed her gently, running his fingers over her lips, down her neck, down to her breasts.  


Charlotte was overcome with desire at the feel of his touch, the electricity she felt, the heat, the pressure in between her legs, a throbbing she had never felt before. As hands continued to caress her body she felt a moistness between her legs. Her instincts took over, her rational brain was gone, all she felt was pure desire. She wanted to explore him and his body, so she stopped his wandering hands. When she looked into his eyes he seemed hurt…but only for a moment. Charlotte untied his banyan robe and slid her hands underneath the shoulders of the robe to let it slide off Sidney to the ground. He was stunned…and pleasantly surprised at her forwardness. 

Charlotte paused to look at her incredible husband in his nightshirt. She wanted to see him as she had in the coves, so she continued her ministrations as she lowered her hands to the hem of his nightshirt and began to slowly remove it from his body, letting her hands run along his thighs, stomach, and chest as she pulled the fabric up. He finished removing the nightshirt for her and stood in front of her in all his glory. There was one difference from her memory of him in the coves. Now he was hard and engorged. She wasn’t sure quite what to do with that part of him, but she had to touch him, to feel the hard lines of his body. She began to run her fingers over the hair on his muscular chest, trailing down slowly, over the hard muscles of his stomach, and continuing lower. As she did so the control he was maintaining completely dissolved. For he now realized that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He grabbed her face in his hands and pressed his lips hard against her mouth in a desperate attempt to get closer to her. As he did he pulled her closer and closer against his body and pressed his hard penis against her. He was cursing himself because he wanted to take his time, but in the end, his body….and hers took over. 

Sidney stopped kissing her and stared at Charlotte and said, "now it's your turn." He slowly removed her chemise, letting his hands linger over her body as he did so. Then, he picked Charlotte up, she wrapped her legs around him, and he carried her over to the bed. He could wait no longer, he needed her and he needed her now. Her need for him was no less intense. He laid her on the bed, and asked in a hopeful manner, “Are you ready for this?” While she had no idea what “this” was, she knew she was ready. She looked straight into his dark, longing, desperate eyes and said, “yes, my love.”

Sidney climbed onto the bed and hovered over her, his weight on his arms. He began to kiss her deeply, their tongues gliding together, more heated, more rushed than ever. Charlotte’s legs spread open instinctually and the pressure and throbbing she felt deep within her were calling for his body. He steadied and slowed himself, took a deep breath, then slowly began to enter her. The exquisite feeling as he felt her, all of her, as he was inside of the only woman he loved in the world, his wife, was overwhelming. He said quietly, in a breathless tone, “Charlotte…I… love…you…only you.” As he spoke and felt her closeness her was overwhelmed with emotion and felt tears prickle his eyes. He blinked them away so she wouldn’t see.

Charlotte was surprised that even while she didn’t know what to do, her body naturally responded. As he entered her slowly, she felt an aching, she grimaced slightly, held her breath, and tears started. She was overwhelmed with emotion – her love, desire, the closeness, feeling him, all of him. She loved feeling him, but it was all new, and he was so large, that it was uncomfortable. Sidney noticed her discomfort and stopped moving. “My dear Charlotte, are you ok? You are so small, I am afraid I am hurting you. Do you want me to stop?’ He didn’t want to stop, he wanted to be in her forever, but for her, he would do anything. He couldn’t stand that he was hurting her. 

Charlotte responded, “I am fine, it is ok, I want to continue, but please go slow.” He was impressed by her resolve and strength. He placed gentle kisses on her forehead and lips as he moved ever so slowly inside her. Even these slow movements were incredible. He was here with his wife, his incredible wife who loves him as he loves her. He became overcome by his love, and passion that he came much quicker than he hoped. When he came he felt even more in love with her than he thought possible, the closeness, the feel of her skin, the warmth of her body, how wet and tight she felt around his penis, the intimacy – all nearly brought him to tears as he reached his climax. 

Sidney was all too aware that while she may have enjoyed joining with him, she did not experience that explosive feeling of becoming undone. He knew, when he was physically ready, hopefully soon, he would quickly remedy that situation. He wanted to teach her the many pleasures of the flesh.


	10. Now, it is your turn

After making love for the first time, then held each other close, naked bodies, wet with perspiration, enjoying the closeness that they longed for. They spent some time talking about the events of the day when once again they were overcome with desire…this time Sidney fully intended to go slow and take his time to thoroughly meet Charlotte’s needs. 

Sidney began kissing her softly with his full luscious lips. He stopped to ask her how she felt, as he moved his kisses to her earlobe and down her neck while caressing her full breasts. His kisses moved to her breasts and he began licking her nipples softly and slowly. Her neck arched and her head dropped at his touch and the warmth of his mouth on her. He found her lips again, kissing her with more urgency, and rubbed her nipples with his hand, then began gently rolling and twisting them between his fingertips. While he touched her, she felt things that were completely new and divine. As he rolled her nipples she felt that same pressure and throbbing between her legs start again. Sidney’s hands continued to move down her body, over her stomach, below her navel, and finally down to between her legs. 

He knew she would be sore and tender, so he was very gentle. She was still wet from their previous exertions and his release, so he used the lubrication to gently circle her clitoris with two of his fingers. He put just the right amount of pressure to cause Charlotte to utter the slightest moan. This was the encouragement he needed to continue. He looked in her eyes, he wanted to see her need, to see her pleasure and know he was the first and only man in the world who would ever bring her this kind of pleasure. 

He continued to kiss her as he applied pressure and circled her clitoris. He could observe from her response that she was enjoying his attentions. She became breathless, her kisses more desperate, her moaning getting louder. She was lost in the intensity of the feelings he was giving her. He didn’t want her to come too soon, so he slowed his pace and lightened his pressure as he continued to kiss her. Her body wanted more, she was pressing against his hand in an attempt at feeling that delight again. Sidney said, “my dear Charlotte, I want you to feel every delight…we have all night to explore one another.” Charlotte blushed and said, “Sidney, I do not know what you are doing to me, but I have never felt anything quite like it…I do not want you to stop.”

At her words, her expression of her desire, he was undone yet again. He needed her but wanted to taste her first. “Charlotte, I want you to trust me, ok? Please allow me to continue to give you pleasure…but with my mouth.” “Charlotte didn’t know what to think. It was quite shocking, and yet…she still felt that pressure, that throbbing that was building inside and needed release. More than anything she trusted Sidney. Her only reply was, “alright.” Sidney moved slowly down her body, placing gentle kisses on her neck, breasts, stomach, and finally between her legs. Instinctually she tensed because this was all so foreign to her…but she was curious about what this would feel like. His tongue and lips felt incredible on the other places he kissed her…would it be the same here? 

Slowly Sidney’s tongue ran over her clitoris. In response to his first touch with his tongue, she moaned loudly, even surprising herself. She relaxed her tense muscles and allowed him to continue. She thought the touch of his fingers was the best thing she had ever felt in her life….she was wrong. Nothing was in comparison to the warm, wet, pressure of his tongue. At first, soft, gentle, and slow, then changing to quick, soft, movements. Her body writhed with pleasure, the feeling heavenly. His tongue began to pressure harder and slower in a regular rhythm. She placed her hands on his head, running her fingers through his hair as he was pressing his tongue against her. As her need increased, she pressed her hands harder on his head to get him closer to her. He continued in a frenzied pace, full of lust and his own need for release until she screamed out his name, “Sidney!” and her body quivered in that familiar response to being undone. 

Seeing her so full of desire, needing him, wanting him, made Sidney so hard. He had to stroke his cock while he was licking her to help control his own desire. When she came undone, he nearly did as well. He hovered over her and kissed her deeply, then asked permission to enter her again. She agreed with pleasure. While still tender inside, she was ready to feel him again. He entered her slowly again, but this time she didn’t feel the pinching feeling as the first time. Occasionally she felt an aching feeling, but it was overshadowed by the incredible feeling of having him deep inside her. While mindful of her and not wanting to hurt her, he wasn’t as restrained this time. He moved in her in a smooth regular rhythm, feeling deeper with every thrust. She was overwhelmed by all of the ways he made her feel….love, trust, passion, lust, and pleasure…immense pleasure. 

His pace began to quicken as he was nearing his release. Charlotte also felt that need and pressure rising in her again…could that be? As he thrust into her with such intensity, hitting that sensitive spot, she was getting closer and closer to that indescribable feeling. She kissed him deeply and wrapped her hands in his hair. She let her body take over, and it moved in perfect rhythm with his, matching his every thrust. As he continued, Sidney whispered in her ear, “you are absolutely incredible…you feel so amazing.” He was getting close, as was Charlotte. She responded, “I am yours, always….and you are mine. I love you, Sidney.” And with that they both came undone together, exploding into one another. Afterward, they melted into one another and lay together naked, happy, and fully satisfied. While it was only late afternoon, they fell asleep in each other’s arms, finally able to truly relax.


	11. Afterglow

Sidney woke up after an hour of rest while Charlotte still slept. She lay next to him with her head on his chest covered only slightly with a sheet. He didn’t want to move for fear of waking her. He just wanted to lay there and feel her close and watch her while she slept so peacefully. While she slept he was able to take in her beauty and appreciate what a gift she truly was. He felt as if he was in a dream. He still can’t believe that this was all real, he was a married man, married to the woman he loved, the most incredible woman in the world. He couldn’t help himself, and reached out and gently ran his fingertips along her arm. He had to feel her. When he did Charlotte began to stir. 

Charlotte groggily opened her eyes at the feeling of his touch on her skin. She glanced over to see that she was laying on Sidney’s chest and he was staring affectionately at her with a slight smile upon his lips. She quickly became self-conscious at being so close and so exposed to her husband. While not long ago she was deep in his embrace and her desires, now she felt nervous, almost shy. She sat up quickly and pulled the covers over her body and chest. 

“Charlotte, what is it?” Sidney said. She could barely raise her eyes to meet his when she said, “I am well, I just realized how late it has gotten. We must ready ourselves for dinner.” Sidney replied, “Charlotte, it is our wedding night, we do not have to do anything, even if that means our dinner sits cold at the table. We have no need to rush and I still want to enjoy being close to my new wife. Please, come closer and lay back down.” His words made her smile and relax a bit. He was right, there was no rush. She still wanted to lay with him, she was just beginning to feel unsure of herself and how she should behave. So, she took his advice and returned to her previous position with her head on his chest, though now with more covering her body. 

It was such a treat for both of them to realize that their time was their own, they had no required engagements, they could just lay there as long as they wished and enjoy one another’s company. It took Charlotte some minutes before she had the courage to say what she was thinking. She said, “Sidney, is it always this way when a man and woman lay with one another?” He wasn’t expecting this question, so had to think for a moment before replying. He didn’t want to expose how much experience he had with women, even though she had some understanding given their exploits at the brothel the evening they were searching for Georgiana. So, with some caution he said, “I am not sure how it is with all men and women, but I am sure it is not always this way.” This confused Charlotte and almost made her feel ashamed. She said, “Was it not enjoyable for you, did I not do it right?” 

Sidney almost chuckled at her questions, but stopped himself, understanding the question came from insecurity. He replied, “Charlotte, what we just did was the most exquisite, amazing experience of my life. To be near you, to feel you…all of you, to see your pleasure along with mine was a rare and beautiful thing. I am sorry if you took my words to mean that there was anything wrong or unsatisfactory for me that was not my intention…it was quite the opposite. You were perfect. You trusted me and I you and we did what felt right.” She replied, “Oh…I am glad that is how you feel. I was told women often don’t like it, but I liked it, actually it was incredible. At first, it was uncomfortable and I was sore, but then it started to feel better and better.” She blushed and continued, “and that things you did with your fingers and mouth were quite surprising. The physical pleasure combined with my love for you was indescribable.” A large smile spread across Sidney’s face, “my sentiments exactly. You bring me such joy I never thought existed or possible. I am quite undone, completely under your spell, and intend to stay there.” The tension Charlotte felt earlier immediately evaporated at his words. Though she didn’t want him to be under her spell, she wanted him to be an equal partner. 

Charlotte had a question she had to ask Sidney that was now much on her mind given their current situation. She asked, “Sidney, what would you think if I wanted to spend the night and every night thereafter in the same bed as you? I know that isn’t always the custom, but my parents married for love and shared the same bed. I would very much like to with you my dear” He responded quickly, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He had no other response, and with that it was decided. “I know we will need to maintain our own bedrooms for appearances and have our separate dressing rooms, but it makes me happy that we will be close at night and sleep in the same bed”, Charlotte said.

With that settled Charlotte was ready to get up. She wanted to bathe and get dressed before the dinner Sidney had ordered for them - she felt hot sticky, and now acutely felt the moisture between her legs that was seeping out of her.


	12. Wedding Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay. Thank you for your support and encouraging words for me to keep writing.

When she stood up she felt strange. There was a throbbing and aching in her nether regions – not the same as when she was aching with desire. Now she was aching because of her and Sidney’s love-making. She felt that thick, sticky fluid sliding down her legs. She walked strangely. Charlotte had a hot bath drawn up for her. She felt different – while there was no observable physical difference, she knew there was something different about her. Having now made love with a man, her husband, she knew things that were previously taboo in her company. She felt older, wiser, more experienced. How much had changed since she woke that morning….

Charlotte eased herself into the tub. The heat felt wonderful against her skin and more so on her aching parts. While she washed herself in the bath, she took her time. She thought about Sidney’s touch, how it felt. She smiled to herself and flushed at the thought. While she had desired Sidney, she had no idea that her body was capable of such pure, intense pleasure. She thought to herself, “Will it always be this way? Now that I know, truly know, what it is to join with another…the one you love, how can I hide this desire?” 

Charlotte was still caught in this reverie when she heard a light knock on the door. It was Abigail come to help her out of the tub and get ready for dinner. Abigail laid out a simple light blue muslin dress as Charlotte requested and prepared her hair loosely so it hung long in her usual way. Charlotte didn’t want a fuss now at this point in the evening. She had already been adorned and dressed with such attention to detail, undressed and in her new chemise, now she just wanted something simple. She wanted to feel like herself. 

Now dressed and ready, Charlotte stepped out into the hall outside of her dressing room. There, Sidney stood waiting for her. When she stepped out his eyes had been looking down. As he looked up and his eyes met hers, he held the simplest, sweetest smile, full of pride and love. There in front of him was his Charlotte. She looked much like she did the day they first met, but all of the nervousness and tension gone. She seemed relaxed and happy in their home. 

Sidney was also dressed more casually, much like he was during the cricket match. He was in his cream trousers, white shirt, in his waistcoat, and his cravat was slightly loose. Charlotte had already seen so many sides to Sidney since they met – his guarded side, angry side, aloof and disinterested side, his playful and flirtatious side, his determined side, his vulnerable and loving side, his heart-broken side, and his passionate side. Yet, as they stood there in the hallway looking at one another she had never seen him as he was now – relaxed, truly relaxed, comfortable, and happy. The sight made her heart grow, it was such a beautiful sight to see. 

After smiling at each other briefly with giddy grins on their faces, Sidney put his arm out to his beautiful wife to escort her to the dining room. Sidney turned to Charlotte and said, “Ms. Gardiner assured me that Ms. Price has prepared an excellent private dinner for the two of us tonight.” In reply Charlotte said, “Excellent, I seem to have worked up quite the appetite after all of the events of the day.” She had only meant her words innocently, because it had been a long day full of events, and she had hardly eaten in all of her anticipation. However, when the words came out she flushed, because she realized that Sidney might think she was referring to their other more recent activities. 

Sidney had in fact immediately thought of their intimacy and closeness and he too flushed and smirked when he responded, “Yes, we both have worked up an appetite. Now we need sustenance to be able to make it through the rest of the night.” Charlotte, gasped slightly, then she smiled and looked up at Sidney. Playfully she responded, “My dear, what could you possibly have in mind for the rest of the night?” Her playfulness made Sidney’s heart fill with awe…and his desire return with no less strength than their first encounter this evening. How was he going to make it through their dinner without being a total brut and taking her on the dining room table? Not that he was opposed to the idea, but he thought that was not for tonight. 

They entered the dining room and the moderate sized table was set to perfection and the room had a beautiful glow. Yet, Charlotte was disappointed because the place settings were across from one another at the head of either side of the table. She didn’t want to sit so far from Sidney. They were now man and wife and had waited for what seemed like an eternity to be together, alone, in their own home. She quickly made up her mind how to remedy the situation. She asked the footman to immediately move her place setting so she would sit adjacent to Sidney. She knew this was not how things were done and this was not what was expected of her as a woman of society, but she didn’t care. This was her wedding night and she wanted to remain close to her husband all evening. 

At first Sidney was confused by Charlotte’s expression, thinking she was displeased with the dining service. Then he was even more confused by the commotion of Charlotte asking the footman something. When realization hit and he saw that she was moving to sit closer to him, another broad smile crossed his face, and his heart squeezed with the love he felt for her. He realized that she too wanted to be close to him all evening as he wanted to be with her. 

Charlotte thought Sidney was laughing at her boldness and said, “I know, I should be more restrained, more sophisticated, and follow what is expected of me…” Sidney stopped her mid-sentence, “You are perfect just the way you are. You make me incredibly happy. I love you, my dear. You are truly the best woman I know.” He meant it - Charlotte was bold, confident, honest, and true to her heart. He wouldn’t want her any other way. 

As soon as their dinner was served Sidney excused the servants. He wanted to have a private dinner with his wife, where he could relax and enjoy being near her. While eating, they stared into each other’s eyes, grinning from ear to ear. They often made excuses to brush hands or to place a hand on the other’s arm. They reveled in the feeling of being so close to one another while they genuinely enjoyed one another’s company. 

The dinner was over and they decided to retire for the evening. Charlotte took Sidney’s arm and he led them back upstairs. He was about to stop in front of her dressing room so Abigail could help Charlotte undress when she stopped him. She looked into his eyes and said, “I told Abigail I will not need her services again until the morning. I thought you could help undress me. I am so very intrigued to learn what you have planned for the rest of the evening my dear.”


	13. The Rest of the Evening....

Charlotte never ceased to amaze him. While Sidney, of course, hoped that she would still want him more tonight, he didn’t think she would as this was all new to her and he thought she might still be uncomfortable. Yet, here she stood before him with a bold and lustful look in her beautiful golden brown eyes. She wanted him and much as he wanted her. It was all too much, more than he ever could have hoped for. He stood speechless for a minute, and Charlotte giggled. The sound brought him back to the moment. “My darling Charlotte, you absolutely amaze me! Before we begin our lessons this evening, I must follow your lead and let Mr. Oliver know I won’t need his services until the morning. I would love your help in undressing this evening. Please excuse me, I will return momentarily.” With that, he was off in a flash. Mr. Oliver then left down the hall and Sidney returned to Charlotte. Sidney said as he nodded his head in the direction of their bedroom, “Now that is taken care of, shall we?” Charlotte replied teasingly, “I am happy to follow your lead, my teacher.” Sidney scooped her up in his arms yet again and carried her into their room.

Sidney gently brought Charlotte to her feet once in their bed-chamber. Tonight they had already experienced immense pleasure with one another, but it felt urgent, heated, even rushed (especially their first act of lovemaking). Now, the heat was still there, but after experiencing relief twice already this evening, it was more of a slow simmer. Sidney was glad for it because he had wanted to truly drink in all of Charlotte. He wanted to truly gaze upon her – see her beauty and take his time to touch her soft and delicate skin. As he told her, he wanted to teach her about all of the ways they could find pleasure in each other. He also knew that, while she wasn’t aware of the fact, Charlotte could teach him a lot as well. In his past experiences, he wasn’t that interested in the pleasure of his partners, nor had they ever made him feel the way Charlotte has – as their bodies merged into one, it felt as if their souls were entwined. Without knowing it, Charlotte was able to open Sidney up and almost consume all that he was in an instant. He was more than happy to surrender to her now and forever. 

As Sidney’s gaze came to meet Charlotte’s his eyes were the softest she had ever seen them. She felt like she was melting into them. There was so much sweetness, love, and admiration in them. Everything she had experienced thus far this evening was new and exciting. She was opening up a completely new part of herself that she didn’t even know existed. She was shocked how easily it was all becoming for her, especially since not more than twelve hours earlier had she just woken up with dreams of Sidney. Now it was a reality, and her reality was so much better than her imagination had been. This morning she knew so little, and now she wanted to learn all there was to learn…with her dearest, Sidney. She knew in her heart that he was the reason, she loved him and trusted him implicitly. She allowed herself to trust her own instincts and in their connection. 

They both stood there in that beautiful moment, staring deeply into one another’s eyes, but feeling as though they were truly staring into one another’s souls. Sidney moved slowly to be closer to Charlotte. He reached out one hand and ever so gently, with the softest, sweetest touch ran his fingertips along her cheek, then to her earlobe, and down her neck. His touch burned her skin, and the heat rose in her body beginning with the places his touch lingered but moving to that sweet spot that gave her immeasurable pleasure. Her cheeks flushed, her breathing hitched as she gasped at his touch. She responded to his touch so quickly immediately caused his own heart to beat rapidly and his breathing to become irregular. He continued to explore her body as he gently ran his fingers down her arm. Then with decision and assurance, he turned her around and began unbuttoning her gown, taking his time with each button, which drove Charlotte mad with desire. She wanted him and wanted him now, but Sidney was determined to take his time. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Sidney had unbuttoned Charlotte’s gown and slid it down off her shoulders until it fell to the floor. Then it was time to remove her petticoat. He took his time slowly bringing it up over her head as his hands slid up her thighs, then her waist. She lifted her arms and he continued to slide his hands up her arms until the petticoat was finally off. Briefly, he felt a sense of accomplishment as two layers were gone and he had to be close to seeing Charlotte’s exquisite figure. When he realized that she still had her stockings and slippers on, and her corset laced tightly over chemise he knew he needed to speed up his pace….a little. In his past experiences, he never lay with a proper lady. Rather it was always in a house of ill-repute, where access to the source of pleasure was much easier and quicker. He had actually never undressed a respectable lady in all her attire. Charlotte joined Sidney and removed her slippers and stockings, but left her corset to his attention. Sidney steadily unlaced her stays until that too slipped to the floor. Now Charlotte stood only in her linen chemise. He wanted to remove that as well…just not yet. 

As Sidney stood before Charlotte with his gaze fixed on her, she took the lead to begin removing his garments. She took his lead and moved ever so slowly as well. When he removed her clothing in such a manner it was infuriating and yet tantalizing, and increased her excitement and anticipation. She wanted to do the same for Sidney. So, she slowly reached up to his neck and began to untie his cravat, which was already a little loose. She let her fingers linger slightly on his neck after she let the cravat fall. Then she trailed her fingers down his chest lightly to unbutton his waistcoat. Her hands slid the waistcoat off over his strong shoulders, then down to the floor. She delighted in the feel of his strength under her hands. Sidney removed his shoes and stockings. Charlotte then took her time bringing her fingers down his chest to eventually linger over his trousers. Sidney filled with intense desire and felt the pulsing in his penis intensify as he became rigid and pushed against the seam of his trousers where Charlotte’s hand rested. She flushed and smiled a sly and somewhat wicked smile as she enjoyed the feeling of him. She took her time with every button on his trousers. When she finally finished, Sidney, who had been the one so well composed earlier, became rushed and quickly removed his trousers. Now they stood there, she only in her thin, white, muslin chemise, and him only in his white shirt staring into one another’s eyes. 

Charlotte became bold. While gazing into Sidney’s eyes, she grabbed the hem of her chemise and removed it in the most seductive way. It took his breath away…how had this pure, innocent, young woman become so skilled in the arts of seduction. Charlotte stood in front of Sidney with her eyes still staring into his with nothing on with such confidence. It made her only grow in his esteem, she was beautiful and felt comfortable in her own skin. There was no hiding and that was how she wanted it. Now was his time to truly explore her body. She was truly magnificent – soft, supple, fine, curvy, full breasts heaving as she breathed deeply, and the flush ran over her entire body in the most enticing way. As Sidney's eyes poured over her body, every curve, every detail, sliding her hands over her, Charlotte’s desire felt like it was about to burst through her. 

Sidney finally took swift action and removed his shirt. He was exquisite. His body seemed the opposite of hers, hard, muscular, and powerful. He was incredibly handsome…and sexy. His body, the intensity in his eyes, the way he restrained himself was overwhelming to Charlotte’s sense. She was ready for her next lesson. Sidney approached Charlotte and placed a soft and gentle kiss on her full lips. She wanted more and put her hands on the back of his neck, pulled him in closer, and opened her mouth on his until their tongues were intertwined and they were caught in the throes of a passionate kiss. 

Sidney pulled away hesitated momentarily because he knew not where to start or what he wanted to do with Charlotte, for he wanted her in every possible way at this very instant which was not possible. Would he teach her how to take him in her hand? He would love to feel her soft hands on him. Would he teach her how to put her mouth on him? Oh, what an incredible thought…not yet, he didn’t think she was ready for that…yet. What position should he have her? Then he knew what his next move would be. 

Sidney moved toward the bed in several strides, hopped on, then lay on his back. Charlotte was confused because she knew not what was expected of her. The last time they made love she laid on her back underneath Sidney. Sidney reached out his hand to Charlotte and said, “My love, I would very much like for you to be on top of me this time.” Charlotte was willing to try and trusted Sidney, so she took his hand on climbed on the bed to lay next to him at first. She said, “You will have to teach me what to do.” “Of course” was his response. 

She timidly lay next to Sidney, until he said, “trust yourself and do what feels good.” She smiled, then started kissing him again. The fervor in their kisses intensified, until in the heat of the moment, Sidney lifted Charlotte on top of him. Momentarily she stilled and sat stiffly on him. Then she thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of his hard penis up against her vulva. It was incredible. She began kissing him again and while she did she slowly rocked her body on his penis. The pressure and tingling inside her felt delightful…and he wasn’t inside her yet. “I would very much like to have you inside me, what should I do? “she said. Sidney took his cue and took hold of himself and lifted Charlotte up slightly so he could ease himself into her. Both their eyes opened wide and they inhaled sharply at the incredible feeling of being joined again as one. Charlotte was amazed at how this felt just as good as the other times but in a different way. Sidney was overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside Charlotte, of being able to look upon her face, to grab her breasts and squeeze her nipples. 

Charlotte’s instincts took over again and she began her slow rocking movements again, which were even better with Sidney inside her. The feeling of his hard, big penis deep inside her, while she rode him, was incredible. She was in control and felt empowered by the sensations she was feeling. The pleasure within her and on that spot, her clitoris, which was now her favorite part of her body was overwhelming. Without even knowing it, she began to move faster and faster and Sidney began to thrust up into her harder. They continued until moments later she screamed out his name, “Oh, Sidney!” The absolute pleasure he felt while being inside her was indescribable, he was on the edge of coming almost as soon as he entered her again. He held his control, his restraint until she came undone on top of him, then he too joined her in pure ecstasy. As he came, he said, “Oh Charlotte, Charlotte, I love you so much.” They then melted in their relief and lay together on the bed. 

Charlotte got up quickly to clean up and put her chemise on. She had an incredible day filled with so many experiences and emotions and was now exhausted and ready to sleep the night away. Sidney followed Charlotte’s lead, then they both lay together in a close embrace with Sidney curved around Charlotte’s body and his arms around her until they both fell into a deep and blissful sleep in the arms of the one they love.


	14. The Next Morning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me in advance, I tried my best to research the geography and travel during the Regency Period to plan their travel, but do not know how accurate I was. I live in the state of Michigan in the U.S. and have never been to England (though I absolutely want to).

Charlotte woke early in the morning feeling well-rested, peaceful, and happy. She still lay in Sidney’s embrace, which was such a new yet welcome experience. However, in the light of the day after all that they had shared the night before, she felt shy. Sidney still slept and she snuck out of bed without waking him to seek the service of Abigail to help her get ready for the day and make sure she was prepared for her month of travel. 

Sidney hadn’t told her much of his plans for their honeymoon, other than the fact that they would be gone for one month complete. While it was customary to have the bride bring along a family member or friend on the trip, both Charlotte and Sidney decided against it. They both couldn’t wait to spend an entire month together alone away from family and friends and other normal demands. They wanted to spend the time really getting to know each other on an intimate more personal level. 

Abigail had prepared all of the things necessary for Charlotte’s trip, though it was easy for her since much of the work had already been done. It was to be yet another surprise for Charlotte from Mr. Parker. Sidney corresponded with Lady Susan to work with the Modiste, Ms. Belle, and the shoe store, Wood, after Charlotte left town to select a variety of new clothing and accessories to be fashioned. Ms. Bell had her measurements so she was prepared. Lady Susan brought the new clothing with her when she arrived in Sanditon for the wedding. 

Lady Susan was happy to help with the surprise, for she adored Charlotte and knew she deserved every gift she was being given. Lady Susan also purchased another gift for Charlotte herself, new trunks with her name on it “Mrs. Charlotte Parker”. She ordered her own Lady’s Maid to pack the trunk for Charlotte with all of her new items. So, by the time the trunks came to Boswood House, they were pretty full and only a few personal items needed to be added. Sidney, with the help of Lady Susan and her talents had purchased Charlotte an entirely new wardrobe – morning gowns, traveling clothing, evening ball gowns, shoes of all kinds/purposes, bonnets, petticoats, chemises, riding wear, walking dresses, pelisse, spencer, cloaks, gloves, reticules, and parasols.

When Sidney woke he felt disappointed that Charlotte was not by his side and worried that she was displeased. His disappointment and worry were intensified because her absence was in such contrast to his own desire to wake with her in his arms. He was more surprised by her absence. All Sidney wanted to do this morning was enjoy being near her and have a lazy morning. The night before brought him such immense joy and pleasure that he wasn’t ready to begin his day yet. He wanted to find Charlotte to see how she was feeling and to be near her again. So, nevertheless, he got up and went to his dressing room to call Mr. Oliver to help him dress for the day. 

Now that Sidney was up earlier than he originally planned, he thought to make the most of it. He made his mind up to begin his travels with Charlotte soon after breakfast. Sidney was pleased to find Mr. Oliver ready for him with clothing laid out and his trunks packed for the trip. Sidney was ready quite quickly and asked Mr. Oliver to prepare the trunks (both his and Charlotte’s) in the foyer.

Charlotte was ready and waiting for Sidney when he entered the breakfast parlor. He noticed that she stiffened and flushed when he entered the room, but her eyes didn’t look up to meet his, which was unsettling. He was already worried that something was amiss when he found himself in their bed alone when he awoke. He wanted to ease the tension that somehow formed between the time they fell asleep in each other’s embrace and the time he woke. “Good morning, my darling”, he said. “How are you this morning? Did you not sleep well?” When she didn’t immediately answer, he continued “I was surprised this morning to find you not in our bed.”

Charlotte felt guilty that she obviously had caused Sidney to worry. She wanted to calm his mind and reassure him, but she wasn’t sure what to say or how to act. She was raised to behave with propriety and modesty, to act like a lady. Living in the country her parents allowed her to engage in activities many other ladies would not or could not. She was an excellent hunter, athletic in playing cricket, and astute in assisting with the management of the family’s estate in Willingden. Otherwise, she behaved as a woman should and for the most part was able to regulate her actions and words. The previous night she let go of some of her restraint and modesty. She allowed her instincts to take over when she was with her husband. Now, what was she to do? How was she to behave? Was she to pretend that none of those things happened and act as she always had, even though something inside her had changed?

When she finally replied, she answered simply without elaborating, “I slept extremely well last night. I am feeling well and am excited to learn what you have planned for our travels.” She wanted to change the subject from what had happened the night before and why she wasn’t in bed when he woke this morning. Sidney was glad that she was feeling well and had slept well, but still felt that something was different. Charlotte was more guarded this morning. He wondered why but became distracted. He was excited to share the details about where they would be traveling with Charlotte and give her the gifts Lady Susan had helped him with. 

“Charlotte, I have some more surprises…um, some more gifts for you. I hope you will be pleased”, Sidney said. He pointed to the foyer where her new trunks were placed, “Lady Susan was an incredible help in the last few weeks. Upon my request, she worked with the Modiste and Wood to commission an entire new wardrobe for you. It is packed in your trunks.” He paused a moment, then continued, “I must also tell you that Lady Susan gifted you the new trunks that your gifts are in. She brought them down with her from London when she arrived for the wedding.”

Charlotte was surprised and pleased, yet was uncomfortable with the idea of accepting such an elaborate gift. She was aware of Sidney’s eyes on her and his look of expectation. She blushed and gave a simple smile. She held her hands together and fidgeted her fingers. She was not sure how to respond – all of this was new to her. She felt overwhelmed, shy, and nervous all of the sudden, and said “Sidney you don’t have to do all of this for me. I am simply happy to be with you and share our life together.” At her words, Sidney smiled as he was happy to be with her as well. Then Charlotte continued, “Besides, what can I give you…you know I had little money and only brought a modest dowry to our marriage.”

Sidney interrupted before she could continue further, “Charlotte you have no idea just how much you have given me, so much more than mere trinkets or possessions. You have given me what no one else could. You have given me everything I ever wanted but never thought was possible. You brought me back to life, gave me your love, and gave me hope. You make me truly happy. Above that, you have even given me your passion, which has surprised me and pleased me to no end.” At this, she flushed deeper. He mentioned what she wasn’t yet ready to face or discuss. He continued, “On top of my heart and soul, I want to give you everything. I want to lavish you with gifts and give all of the things you deserve.” Charlotte responded, “Sidney, I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness, generosity, and kindness, but I do not need to be lavished.” 

“Whether you need to or not, I want to spoil you”, said Sidney. After a moment of consideration, he continued, “I realize now that this is all very new to you, so I will do my best not to overwhelm you with my gifts in the future. I really wanted to do this for you.” Charlotte responded, “thank you for your gifts and understanding. So……where are you taking me?” 

Charlotte grew up in the small country village of Willingden and had limited opportunity to travel, yet she had an inquisitive mind and was eager for adventure. Sidney had traveled a great deal with his dealings in Antigua and current business affairs, but most of his travels were tainted with the stain of his past pain, apathy, and mistrust in people and the world. He could not wait to travel with Charlotte. He wanted to show her the world, or at least as much as he could. He wanted to be there with her as she explored new places for the first time and experience them through her eyes. With a huge smile spread across his face, Sidney said, “I know you haven’t had the opportunity to travel across the country much as you have a large family who preferred staying close to home. While I want to take you across the world and experience all of the joys that will bring with you, I want to begin by taking you to some of the most beautiful destinations in England. Sanditon does have its charms, but they are nothing to the beauties and delights of the northern lake districts.”

Charlotte was so happy, and her smile matched Sidney’s. “Oh Sidney, that is wonderful! I have read so many wonderful things about the northern lakes! You know how much I love nature and long walks! It is perfect!” Sidney beamed, his heart swelled. Her happiness and joy enhanced his own. The rest of the world will have to wait for now. “First we will stop in London for a few days where we will stay with Lord and Lady Babbington. They have many delights planned for us, including a ball or two. From there we will continue north to Birmingham, then Manchester where we will stop for rest along the way. Then we will stay in Carlisle and the Lake District for the remainder of our trip until we return home.”

Both Charlotte and Sidney were glowing with anticipation and excitement about the trip ahead of them. They were lost in their own thoughts as they ate breakfast together. While they ate the carriage was loaded and prepared. When they finished their meal it was time for them to take their leave and begin their journey together.


	15. Let the Honeymoon Begin

As Charlotte sat in the coach while by Sidney’s side, she was lost in thought. She looked out the window with a smile upon her face. She was desperately looking forward to the trip ahead of her. Growing up in Willingden she always dreamed of exploring far off places as she read novels that took her there in her imagination. Now her dreams were becoming a reality, she would explore new places and meet new people. Her head spun with thoughts of what their month-long trip together alone would bring. Sidney watched Charlotte, seeing the smile upon her face and wanted to know what she was thinking, yet he didn’t want to disturb her. Seeing her joy and eagerness filled his heart with peace and comfort. 

Eventually, Sidney, without thought gently reached out and placed his hand over his and rubbed his fingers gently over hers. He needed to feel her and be connected with her. Since this morning she seemed more distant than the night before. He knew she loved him and was delighted about his plan for their honeymoon. Yet, he had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Charlotte had barely looked upon his face this morning. 

Charlotte continued to keep her gaze out toward the window when she felt Sidney’s touch on her hand. Her heart fluttered and her cheeks flushed at the feel of his warm skin against hers. Her thoughts shifted from the travels ahead to the feel of his touch all over her. As she did her breathing increased, though she tried to control the change in her. She shifted in her seat slightly. Her mind replayed flashes of the incredible pleasure she experienced the night before. She felt the heat rise in her chest. Momentarily she closed her eyes and imagined Sidney’s mouth on hers and traveling across her body. She finally got control of herself and tried to think of anything but what her mind brought her back to time and again. It was impossible though because the last time she and Sidney were in this coach, they were hungry for each other and could barely contain their desire. Now they were in the same coach with bodies close for the greater part of a day.

The two stayed in that manner for some time in the coach. Each caught in their own thoughts. Sidney’s mind played the previous night’s intimacy over in his mind as well. Her soft, milky, flawless skin, her full breasts, the perfect curve of her hips and full bottom flashed before his eyes. He could only think of the night before with feelings of joy, love, pleasure, relief, and utter satisfaction. Yet, he wondered if it were the same for Charlotte. It seemed that way, but now he wasn’t sure. The thought that she felt something different or less than he did, made his heart ache. He must know what Charlotte was thinking and if something had gone wrong. 

Sidney was about to broach the subject when the coach stopped at the posting inn to let the horses rest and so they could get some refreshments. He was still determined to understand what had changed and so decided a new plan to bring up his concerns. 

After Sidney helped Charlotte out of the carriage he said, “Charlotte, I will get us some refreshments, but then would like to take a short walk and have a picnic while the horses rest. I am in need of fresh air and want to stretch my legs after sitting in the carriage.” She replied, “That would be lovely, I too am in need of some fresh air and exercise. I will wait for you out here.” Sidney said, “Excellent, I will return momentarily.”

When Sidney returned with refreshments, they began taking a short stroll while looking for a suitable and semi-private spot for their picnic. They found a nice bench under a tree off to the side. When they sat down Sidney began, “Charlotte, my darling, I hope you don’t mind, but I would like to ask you something.” She replied, “Of course, what is it?” Sidney said, “Charlotte, um, is everything all right with you?” “Yes, my dear, why wouldn’t it be?” was Charlotte’s reply. Sidney then said, “You seem distant today. Yesterday was such a wonderful day and we seemed so close, yet today you have barely looked in my direction. I am afraid that you have me worried that all is not well….um, or something was not to your liking.” As he spoke he had a soft, earnest, and even slightly vulnerable look on his face. He looked her directly in the eyes, pleading, hoping everything was all right. 

Charlotte felt terrible, she didn’t want to cause Sidney to worry. Everything was perfect, every moment, every look, every touch, and every sensation….more than she had ever imagined. She was distant only because she wasn’t quite sure how to act or behave now that things were so different, especially during the day. How could she tell him what she felt when she wasn’t quite sure how to put it all into words, especially out in the open with strangers fairly near. So for the meantime, she tried to placate him, “Sidney, I assure you I am well and nothing is the matter. I am quite elated, actually.” He didn’t quite believe her, so continued, “Charlotte, I am glad that you are well and happy. Yet, I cannot help but notice that something is different. What is on your mind? I do not want there to be any secrets between us. I am here for you, for anything.”

Charlotte looked into Sidney’s eyes when she replied, “Thank you. That makes me love you even more because you are astute in your observation and your sincere desire to support me. Though in this situation I am not sure if you will be able to understand my thoughts and feelings. However, I will happily share them with you when we are again in the privacy of the coach together.” Sidney simply said, “Thank you. I am happy to hear what you have to say. In the meantime, would you like something to eat?” Their conversation remained light as they chatted about the weather, their comfort while traveling, and what is planned for the evening. 

When the finally returned to the coach and were well on their way, Sidney spoke first, “Please Charlotte, do tell me what is on your mind?” Charlotte replied, “Sidney, I am not sure exactly how to say what I am thinking, but I will try. Please know, I am not displeased in the least, I am truly happy. It is just……everything is so new…..so different….from anything I have ever known.” She paused for a few moments to gather her thoughts before continuing, “The biggest change is now that I am a wife and knowledgeable about the….true nature of relations between men and women…..and enjoyed those pleasures immensely.” At this, she blushed and shyly looked down. She swallowed then continued, “Now I am not quite sure how to act or behave with you…when we are not in our bedchamber…or in front of others, even the servants. My inner feelings and desires are at odds with what I have been taught about etiquette and how to behave like a lady.”

Sidney took in her words and tried to understand her situation. He was ecstatic to learn that there was nothing truly wrong, she wasn’t displeased, and she seemed to be pleased with their acts of love-making. However, her internal struggle was something new to him. He was a man and was always allowed to behave, for the most part, as he wished, particularly when it came to being with women. He thought that this must be a difficult transition for Charlotte, yet he wasn’t quite sure how to support her as she learned to become comfortable in their new situation and her new role as a wife. He knew he would do whatever he could to help her adjust. When he spoke he said, “Charlotte, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me, I know that must have been difficult for you to share. You are right, I am not entirely sure what you are going through, but I do understand that being married is new. I will do whatever I can to help support you and help you be more comfortable. I love you dearly. I want you to be true to yourself and comfortable in your skin. I was incredibly surprised, pleasantly so that you showed me your passion and love. You amazed me with your strength, confidence, and sensuality. You are such an amazing woman, I wouldn’t want you any other way.” Charlotte replied, “Oh Sidney, I am glad to hear that. We can figure this out together. I will try to be better and trust you with my feelings, rather than hide them from you. I love you more than words can say.” 

At that, she held his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer. They inhaled slowly and sighed with relief at their closeness. They knew that as long as they were together and open and honest with one another, their truest selves, they could do anything.


	16. Arriving in London

Charlotte and Sidney remained close to one another in each other’s embrace during the remainder of their trip to London. They could not help themselves. Their pull toward each other was strong. They needed their bodies as close as the carriage would allow, their hands together, with their fingers entwined, gently rubbing their fingertips together. While in the carriage, close with one another on the bumpy terrain, their bodies couldn’t help but begin to feel the heat, the need, and desire for one another once more. 

When they were close to London their mouths found each other slowly, gently, then more intensely as the moments passed. Their tongues glided together in smooth rhythmic movements. They were about to explode with their need and desire right then and there in the carriage. In his urgency and haste, Sidney reached up under Charlotte’s clothing and gently slid his fingertips up her leg to her inner thigh. Without thinking Charlotte opened her legs to give Sidney’s fingers entry into her body. There was only a brief hesitation before his hands finally landed at their desired destination, at the opening of her most sacred place…her vulva. She felt warm and wet…ready for their intrusion. As he began exploring her body and rubbing her clitoris, her breathing increased and she began moaning, “Oh, Sidney”. His body responded to her call and he felt a surge of heat, and pressure as his erection grew.

Unfortunately, they lost time while caught in the moment and before they knew it, the carriage had stopped in front of the Babbington’s London home. The frustration and disappointment at the sudden abrupt discontinuation of their intimacy was palpable. They both needed to catch their breath and take a few moments to collect themselves and improve their outward appearance before exiting the coach. Charlotte was clearly flushed and discombobulated as was Sidney alike. 

When they were able to appear in control and respectable they exited the coach and entered the Babbington’s home. They were announced directly while their trunks were brought up to their rooms. Lord and Lady Babbington were ecstatic to welcome the newlyweds on their first stop of the honeymoon tour. They quickly welcomed Charlotte and Sidney to their home, then had a footman direct them to their rooms. As they had a long day of travel they would need time to wash and change before dinner, but Esther was also aware of the flush on both Charlotte and Sidney’s cheeks as well as the barely noticeable disheveled appearance of their hair. She smiled to herself wondering just what might have happened in the coach on the way to London. As a happily married woman who loved her husband dearly, it wasn’t that difficult to imagine. She knew that Charlotte and Sidney, who were just married the day before would need privacy in their chambers….likely often as well. 

Both Charlotte and Sidney were happy to be at the Babbington’s home and to be able to spend time with their good friends, yet they were also pleased to have been given such a quick dismissal to their rooms. They were desperate to finish what they started not long before they arrived. They were both pleased when they reached their rooms and could be alone in a comfortable space. 

The footman left them and as soon as the door closed behind him Sidney took Charlotte in his arms and leaned in for a desperate kiss. As they kissed their hands roamed frantically at each other’s clothing loosening them, pulling off what could be pulled off. Unfortunately, Charlotte’s dress and undergarments took more attention to remove but having done so the night before Sidney was faster than before. They wanted no barrier between them at all, so removed all of their garments and stockings completely. Charlotte loved looking upon Sidney’s handsome, striking figure as much as Sidney constantly desired seeing all of her, feeling her skin, caressing her breasts. She was like the goddess Aphrodite, the epitome of love, beauty, passion, and pleasure. 

Sidney swooped Charlotte up and carried her in his arms to sit on the side of the bed. He resumed his kisses and his hands carefully spread her thighs open while he stood at the side of the bed facing Charlotte. As he moved closer to her he wrapped one hand behind her head and pulled her close to him so he could resume his kisses and feel her tongue on his. With his other hand, he trailed his fingertips up her inner thigh back to the place that brings her so much pleasure, the sensitive place….her clitoris. She was still wet from earlier and he was able to smoothly circle his fingertips softly and with gentle pressure. 

Charlotte’s body instinctively moved closer and her hips began to rise and fall ever so slightly with his touch. She was such a wonder to him, so sexy and sensual without even trying. His penis became engorged and hard with a pulsing desire. He couldn’t help but press himself against her leg to feel even a little relief. Charlotte’s mouth opened slightly and her breath hitched when he added some pressure as he continued to circle her clitoris. He could tell she was getting close to her release. He wanted to come at the same time as her, so he slowed his touch until he stopped. Then he looked in her eyes with lust and need in his. Charlotte begged, “Please Sidney, I need you….please come inside me….now.” That is all it took for him to thrust into her. As he did he gasped and groaned with the pure pleasure and love he felt when joining his body with hers. 

As soon as he entered her body, he felt on the cusp of losing himself. He needed to focus his mind to make sure that he didn’t come too quickly. His fingers returned to circling her clitoris as he continued to thrust into her hard and fast. Charlotte was overcome with the feeling of Sidney inside of her while he rubbed her clitoris. It was all too overwhelming and the pressure continued to rise with each thrust until she reached her climax and called out his name again, “Sidney, Sidney, of Sidney, I am coming.” That is all it took for Sidney to join Charlotte and find his release in her. “Oh Charlotte, I love you so much!” This encounter was swift, rapid, and fully satisfying…for now. 

The two of them took a few minutes to enjoy lying next to one another before they separated to wash and change before dinner. They were glad of the opportunity to stay with their friends for the next few days before continuing on their journey.


	17. A Much Needed Conversation with Esther

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience with me over the last week and a half. I had to do some writing for work and seemed to only be able to focus on one type of writing at a time.

Both Charlotte and Sidney quickly washed up and prepared themselves for an intimate dinner party with two of their dearest friends. As they descended the stairs, Charlotte with her hand in Sidney’s arm, both appeared to be glowing from the inside out. Their cheeks were ever so flushed. They were unable to hide their smiles. They were truly happy and in love. 

When Charlotte and Sidney entered the drawing-room, Esther and Babbington glanced at the happy couple and then at each other. They were delighted to see them both so at ease, so natural in each other’s company, so joyous, almost intoxicated with each other. For too many years Sidney was guarded, aloof, distant, and unhappy. Now, before them stood a man who was truly happy, it was a wonder to see. 

The two couples enjoyed each other’s company, talking about the wedding ceremony and Sidney and Charlotte’s plans for the honeymoon until it was time to move to the dining room for their supper. It was a simple, yet elegant dinner service. While Charlotte adored Babbington and was enjoying being in the company of her husband she was eager to retire to the drawing-room alone with Esther for a short while before the gentleman would accompany them. So much had changed for Charlotte in the last two days. She needed a friend to speak with, someone who would understand those changes and had fairly recently experienced them (or something similar) herself. Esther seemed to understand and anticipate Charlotte’s desire to speak with her, likely from her own need to speak frankly with her friend, another newly married woman. Shortly after the meal was over Esther gracefully stood and asked Charlotte to join her in the drawing-room.

Charlotte was the first to speak but avoided the topic she so desperately wanted to discuss. She said, “Esther, it was so kind of you and Babbington to invite us to stay with you both. It is wonderful to be able to spend time with you. The dinner tonight was so delicious. Thank you for everything.” “Of course, Charlotte. We are so pleased to have you stay with us. It is an honor that you would choose some of your first days as a married couple with us.” Esther wasn’t as shy to broach the subject as Charlotte appeared to be, and continued, “Charlotte, please tell me, how are you feeling about married life? Have you been able to enjoy yourself?” 

To Charlotte, it seemed as though Esther was trying to get her to say exactly what she wished to, but felt it was rather soon to begin that conversation. She replied, “Esther, it is all so new to me, yet I can say that it is absolutely wonderful to finally be with Sidney. He is an incredible man, so loving, thoughtful, and attentive to me.” Esther responded, “I am glad to hear that he is attentive to you, it is as it should be. Now, please forgive my forwardness, but is he being gentle with you when you are alone? Is he being attentive to all of your needs? Are you fully enjoying what marriage has to offer?” As Esther spoke she was confident, direct, and looked into Charlotte’s eyes and smiled. 

Charlotte was relieved that brave Esther was leading the conversation. It must be a good sign that marriage has been good to her, that she is adjusting well to all of the changes in her life. Charlotte smiled a broad smile and blushed. When she finally responded she looked down and said, “Esther, have no fear on that account. I have a doting husband who works tirelessly to ensure that his wife is perfectly happy and able to enjoy herself on every occasion.” This made Esther chuckle out loud. “Excellent, I am glad to hear that. It is as I would imagine, and after seeing you both enter this room earlier I could have little doubt of anything else. Now please be frank with me. How are you doing, really? How are you feeling with all that has changed in your life?”

“Oh Esther, thank you for asking! I have wanted nothing else than to seek your counsel. I have to be honest, I am experiencing so many feelings at once. I am so deeply in love with my husband, so happy to begin our life together, and have been very pleasantly surprised by the pleasures of the marriage bed. Yet, there are some things that seem difficult. I am, as you know, very open natured. I find it difficult to hind what I am feeling or thinking….and honestly, I am thinking of Sidney, often, and how much pleasure he brings me. I am thinking about how I want nothing more than to be with him, in his arms, in his embrace, sharing our pleasure. How am I supposed to behave in company when these thoughts are running through my mind? Is this how it is for you?”

Esther was a little surprised by Charlotte’s confession but was glad to have the opportunity to discuss such things with her. Since she and Babbington, Alexander, were married she hadn’t had anyone she was close enough with to share her thoughts and feelings about such matters. She had desperately wanted to talk to someone but never had the opportunity until now. “Charlotte, I must say I am so happy to be able to speak with you about this. I do understand, in my own way, what you are going through. I do love my husband dearly, but in the beginning we did not have equal affection as you and Sidney have. However, my affection quickly grew the more time we spent together, the more I got to know him. I can honestly say my husband is a very thoughtful and sensitive lover and has also been very attentive to my needs. Sometimes more so than to his own.” 

At this, she paused in reflection and smiled to herself and she gently brushed a finger lightly over her lips. She continued, “Alexander is thorough in assuring I enjoy myself. I too, was pleasantly surprised and even overcome with the pleasure of the marriage bed. It was all so new, pleasures I had never known existed, and consumed my thoughts and mind whenever we were near each other. Honestly, it still does much of the time.”

This is where Charlotte pressed Esther with another question, “How do you handle it? I find it all so conflicting. I know how I am supposed to behave and yet my thoughts and desires are so diverting, it is taxing to focus my attention when we are in company….when we are alone it is pure bliss, I feel my truest self, completely comfortable, and happy. Then when we separate I feel restrained, restricted, confined, and often pull away from him to attempt to hide my thoughts and feelings from those around me.” 

Esther reassured her, “Charlotte, it will get easier. This is all new to you. You will learn to find the balance for how you behave privately and in company. You will learn how to be content with subtle gestures and displays in company to hold onto as fuel, a slow burn, to fully ignite when you are alone. It does take some time, but you will.” Seeing Esther's confidence and assurance helped Charlotte feel at ease. She knew Esther was right, it would take some time, but she would be able to manage things better in the future. Charlotte felt fortunate to be able to call Esther a true friend.


	18. A Lovely Evening Among Friends

Sidney was sad to be separated from Charlotte, even briefly, yet was also looking forward to speaking with Babbington alone while they enjoyed their whiskey and cigars in the dining room after the ladies went off together. “Parker, my friend, I must say that marriage suits you! I have never seen you so jovial, relaxed, and genuinely happy. You seem a new man, and I mean that in the best way possible” Babbington said. 

Sidney smiled reflectively to himself, and replied genuinely, “I believe you are right Babbers. I am, I have found my match with Charlotte. She brings out the best in me.” Babbington said, “That is excellent, my friend! I am truly happy for you both! Charlotte seems just as happy with you.” 

Sidney replied, “I am happy you think so because I value your opinion. You being the romantic you are, I know you pay attention to those around you. Thank you Babbers! Now enough of all of this sentiment. How are you, my friend? We barely got to speak when we were in Sanditon with all of the wedding preparations and events. What is new in your life?” Sidney and Babbington continued to enjoy each other’s company for a little while longer until they knew it was time to join their wives…or rather they couldn’t stand to be away from them. 

When the gentlemen entered the drawing-room it was apparent that their wives were enjoying each other’s company and deep in each other’s council. Did they happen to see a flush in their cheeks as they entered the room? They seemed to quickly change their posture and subject of their conversation, then walked to welcome their husbands to join them in the room.   
Esther began, “What shall we do now my dearest husband? Anyone up for a game of whist? It would be quite diverting to play with our friends here.” Babbington replied, “Capital idea darling! What say you, Parker? Charlotte? You two have been traveling, are you up for whist?” 

Sidney paused and looked to Charlotte to reply. He would enjoy spending time with Charlotte in company to watch her, see her smile, see her relaxed, and having fun, but he didn’t want to push her if she was tired and needed rest. Charlotte’s face broke out into a wide smile, she enjoyed being in company, and more so with close friends. She was tired, yet was enjoying the freedom of being in company with her new husband and not having to be so reserved. She answered his questioning look, “I would love to my dear! I was so looking forward to spending the evening among friends!” 

Babbington jumped in at that positive encouragement, “There, it is settled! Let’s play! Parker, shall we partner with our wives….or gentlemen against the ladies?” Esther smirked at this and answered before Sidney could, “Definitely ladies against gentlemen! You do know how competitive both Charlotte and I are, don’t you?” Charlotte chuckled at this and said, “Absolutely Esther”, she continued while giggling and looking at her husband playfully, “this should be an easy victory!” 

Yet again, Charlotte surprised him, amused him, made him laugh loudly, then he replied and winked, “Well then…we will see won’t we!” He really was a lucky man to have such an incredible, smart, talented, playful, and….competitive wife. She will definitely make his life interesting and full of adventure. She was like no other woman he had ever known!

The four friends enjoyed themselves immensely! The night flew by as they talked, laughed, and played cards. They played until late into the evening. Of course, as they all knew would happen, the women were the victors. Not because their husbands “let” them win as they teased their wives. Charlotte would never have allowed Sidney to play with anything less than his best and to be honest, he took pleasure in seeing her competitive side. The men were able to win a game or two throughout the evening. They were not disappointed to lose to their wives, rather they basked in the glory of the exceptional women who were their wives. They took pride in their talent and brilliant minds. On top of that, they were having fun flirting with their wives and challenging them! 

Before they were to all turn in for the evening Esther said, “Oh my, I almost forgot! I was having so much fun this evening, I forgot to mention that we were to invited to a ball tomorrow evening and the invitation has been extended to both of you as well. I would be happy to go or stay at home. As our guests, I will leave it up to you both.” 

Charlotte was thrilled at the idea of a ball, in London, with Sidney. Their last ball in London together when trying to garner support for Sanditon Regatta was when she came to realize her true feelings for Sidney. It was a beautiful experience dancing with him, and yet, heartbreaking because the moment she allowed herself to accept her feelings for Sidney and began to hope he may feel something for her, it all was stripped away when he turned to Mrs. Campion. She wanted to reset the clock and return to the moment of love and passion…she wanted to end the night with her husband, with Sidney, in her arms. 

Now it was Charlotte’s turn to look hopefully at Sidney and wait for his reply. She didn’t know what he had planned for their time in London or how he felt about going to a ball, but she was trying to speak to him with her eyes. He read her desire, and his own desires mirrored hers. He also thought about their shared moments of passion and desire in London. He was also proud to have Charlotte on his arm and would be happy to present her at such an event in town amongst the Ton. Sidney replied in a soft, low town, “we would be happy to join you both at the ball tomorrow evening.” Charlotte beamed, “Oh, Esther, it will be so wonderful! I love to dance and can now openly dance with Sidney multiple dances!” 

“Fantastic! Well, if that is the case, we must retire for the evening to prepare for the long night ahead of us.” The two couples ended their delightful evening and went their separate ways to their rooms for the night. Both looking forward to an evening out in town.


	19. Preparing for the Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience with me as it has taking me longer than usual to get this chapter out. I hope to have the next chapter..."The Ball" out in the next day or so.

Both Sidney and Charlotte were exhausted from traveling and having a delightful, yet late night with their friends. When they retired for the night, they laid next to each other talking briefly before they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Babbington was right, they needed their rest. Both Sidney and Charlotte slept peacefully and woke well rested late in the morning. They asked to have their breakfast sent up to their room so they could have a relaxing morning and take their time to join their friends. After the late start to the morning, the day went by quickly and before they knew it, it was time for them to prepare themselves for the ball. 

Abigail had laid out several of Charlotte’s new gowns Sidney purchased for her with the assistance of Lady Susan along with some new shoes to choose from. They were all lovely, but she decided to go with a ball gown made of soft, buttery, yellow crepe satin. The dress was perfect with a square low cut neckline, a v-shaped back that buttoned-up, ties in a bow in the back, and has rounded sleeves with elegant stitching to enhance their design. The bottom of the dress was adorned with chiffon and lace in a delicate, fashionable, and alluring way. It was truly stunning. She chose her new yellow leather slippers, with a white satin insert embroidered with blue, pink, and green, dressed up with crisscross lacing. Charlotte was in awe of Lady Susan’s eye for fashion and how she knew exactly what would complement her skin tone and coloring. 

Charlotte asked Abigail to put her hair up with large, soft curls in the back, with the front parted and swept to the side, then circled by a yellow silk ribbon. Charlotte wanted her make-up applied just as it was on the morning of her wedding –to enhance her youthful glow with a thin layer of pearl powder, a light rouge upon her cheeks, and a soft rose-colored balm to her lips.  


When Abigail had finished dressing Charlotte and preparing her hair and make-up, Charlotte took a few moments to admire her appearance in her looking glass. She was pleased with how she presented herself, how well the dress fit her body, outlining her figure. She felt refined, genteel, and even fashionable. She was hopeful she would make a good first impression as Mrs. Parker and that Sidney would be proud to have her on his arm and by his side.

Charlotte was also happy to hear that Lady Susan would also be in attendance at the ball. She was glad to know that she would be surrounded by friends during her first presentation in London as Mrs. Parker. She was unsure how she would be received by the hostess of the ball or the other members of the beau monde who were invited. Charlotte also wondered if the former Mrs. Campion, now Countess Davies, would be present at the ball as well. Charlotte also wondered, if the Countess would be there, how she would receive Charlotte, and behave in company. 

Just weeks prior to Mrs. Campion ending her engagement with Sidney, she met a handsome, wealthy, and very fashionable young Earl, Earl Hugh Davies. Earl Davies was an only child who recently came into his title, wealth, and ownership of the family property after the early death of his father. While she wanted to have Sidney as her husband because he was a handsome man she once cared for and loved to tell the story of how they reunited after all of their years apart, she quickly became aware of the many appeals of the young Earl Davies. Beyond that, he seemed to single her out and pay particular attention to her, which flattered her vanity. She soon realized that any appeal Sidney had was much inferior to those of the Earl. It was fortunate for Sidney and Charlotte that their friends, Lord and Lady Babbington and Lady Susan may have helped put the new Earl in Mrs. Campion’s path. 

The ball was to be hosted by Lord Robert and Lady Diana Spencer at their London townhome, Luckington Court, in the desirable Mayfair neighborhood. Lady Spencer was well known among the ton and was a respected, kind, and generous lady, but more importantly, was a close friend of the Babbington’s as well as Lady Susan. She was also very desirous to meet the new Mrs. Parker of whom she has heard so much about. Lady Spencer had met and been in company with Mr. Sidney Parker and knew him to be a previously desired match for many ladies in her acquaintance due to his handsome countenance and respectable fortune. She knew him to be a quiet, brooding, aloof man in their past acquaintance and was curious to see the effect of the new Mrs. Parker on him for her own eyes.


	20. Sidney and Charlotte Arrive at The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Part 1 of the Ball

Sydney was ready and waiting for Charlotte and the bottom of the stairs in the foyer with Babbington, who was also patiently waiting for his wife. Both men looked dapper in their white linen shirts with cravats and tailored jackets. Sidney wore a navy velvet jacket with gold buttons and Babbington wore an emerald wool jacket and gold waistcoat. They both were quite content and looking forward to another evening together. Sidney was happy to be able to present Charlotte as his wife in London society for she is such a remarkable woman. 

Esther met Charlotte in the hallway so they could meet their husbands together and then leave for the ball. Esther had always appreciated Charlotte’s frank, open, honest manner and valued her as a friend. Since their intimate conversation the previous evening, Esther felt particularly close with Charlotte and thankful to have such a dear and true friend. She had never before had a friend or close relationship with another woman, so having Charlotte as a friend was a true gift to her. 

When Charlotte exited her room, Esther said in earnest, “My dear Charlotte, you are quite stunning! You will be the envy of all the women tonight and the desire of all of the men. Good thing you will have Sidney by your side, he will protect you from any rakes.” At the sight of Charlotte’s nervousness and uncertainty she continued, “Have no fear Charlotte, you are not at risk. You will be surrounded by friends, welcomed with open arms by our host and hostess, and be on Sidney’s arm. Besides, I have never seen another woman with such courage and confidence….aside from myself, of course.” At this last statement, Esther had a glimmer in her eyes and a slight smile appeared on her face. Charlotte replied with a smile reflective of Esther’s, “Esther, I am glad you have confidence in me. I will do my best not to let you down.”

Arm in arm, Esther and Charlotte descended the stairs to meet their awaiting husbands in the foyer. Charlotte met Sidney’s eyes, which were locked on her. His eyes were dark, intent, with a now familiar look in their depth. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth went dry, and he had to clear his throat. How could Charlotte continue to make his heart race, ignite his passion, and take his breath away anew? Could she possibly be more beautiful than ever before? Or was it due to his immense and growing love that she continued to grow in beauty in his eyes? He hoped that was the case because if every man at the ball saw what he saw before him and carried the same unsavory thoughts, he was not going to leave her side all night. Charlotte flushed in return and admonished him a slightly mocking, teasing grin as if reading his thoughts. 

The two couples then took their leave to head to the ball at Luckington Court. They arrived at the ball on time to be able to present their cards and join before the first dance was called by Lady Spencer. Charlotte was thrilled to be at the ball with Sidney. They had their fair share of misfortune at balls and this one would be different as they were married, secure of each other’s affection, and in attendance together. She was anxious to join the first dance. Lady Spencer began the evening with a Minuet, a perfect start to the evening, where the dancers hopped and span, clapped, laughed, and talked. Charlotte was glowing with joy and had the most alluring rosy color to her cheek. Sidney could not help to feel happy and relaxed in her company. 

As Charlotte and Sidney exited the dance floor, Charlotte could not help but notice the number of eyes focused on the two of them. She could not imagine what would have drawn their attention. Sidney was oblivious to any onlookers as his gaze was directed only at Charlotte, for he was enraptured by her beauty, lightness, joy, and overall presence. Charlotte caught sight of her friend, Lady Susan, with the hostess of the ball. She and Sidney began walking in their direction. As they moved toward Lady Susan, Charlotte overheard a woman in the crowd speaking to a friend make a cut toward her and say, “I have heard the new Mrs. Parker described as bluestocking chit. I wonder how she was able to get her claws into the handsome Mr. Sidney Parker.” Sidney heard the snub as well and looked in Charlotte’s direction hopeful that she hadn’t. When his gaze met hers, it was evident she had as there was a drastic change in her demeanor and a sullen look in her eyes. 

Sidney whispered in Charlotte’s ear, “Never mind what you heard. It has no hold with anyone of importance.” He continued after a brief pause, “I once said you were more than equal to anyone at Mrs. Maudsley’ ball, however that was an understatement. In my opinion, you are not only equal, but you are the most incredible woman of my acquaintance and are far superior to anyone present, including those unkind, caddy women. What they chose to say as a cut against you, to me, is one of the highest praises of you, as I admire your brilliant, inquisitive mind, and interest in reading.” Her spirits lifted at his words, his demeanor, and the admiring look in his eyes. Charlotte took a few deep breaths to collect herself, she was not going to let those two women dampen her spirits. 

By the time her equanimity returned, she arrived by Lady Susan’s side. Lady Susan immediately broke into a wide smile and acknowledge both Charlotte and Sidney, when she introduced them to her companion. “Lady Spencer, I would like to introduce you to my dear friend Mrs. Charlotte Parker. You have met her husband, Mr. Sidney Parker before. Charlotte, this is another dear friend, and our hostess this evening, Lady Diana Spencer. Lady Spencer has been desirous to meet you, so we are both glad to have you join us.” 

Lady Spencer’s face lit up, “Mrs. Parker it is a pleasure to finally meet you, I have heard so many wonderful things about you from my dear friend Lady Susan. And, tonight I can see your influence upon your husband, Mr. Parker. I have seen Mr. Parker in company before, but he never smiled as he does now.” Charlotte blushed bashfully, and responded, “Lady Spencer it is a pleasure to meet you! I want to thank you for the invitation to your ball this evening! I am having a wonderful time already! You have a beautiful home.” 

Lady Spencer, took Charlotte on her arm and spoke closely, “it is my pleasure to have you join us, and may I say, you are a vision in that dress.” Lady Susan joined in the conversation, “she does, doesn’t she? She is wearing one of her new gowns her husband gave to her as a gift….with my help. As you know, I do have impeccable taste and a talent for knowing the ideal colors and design for dressing my friends.” At this, she smiled and laughed gently. Lady Spencer laughed along with Lady Susan, when Charlotte said in earnest, “I am so thankful for your assistance in working with the modiste for Sidney’s gift. I heartily agree you have quite the eye and talent for fashion. I absolutely adore this ball gown.” 

Charlotte and Sidney continued their pleasant, light-hearted conversation with the two ladies when Esther and Babbington joined them. Babbington and Sidney stepped away to get some refreshments for the women. While they stepped away, Charlotte caught sight of the new Countess Davies on the arm of a fashionable gentleman, who must be her husband the Earl walking in their direction. The Countess had a smug look upon her face. 

The Countess approached the group, said her hellos, and made the necessary introductions to her husband, the Earl. Of course, she spoke to everyone else in their small group first, because they were all more important, titled women of society. Then, almost as an afterthought, she introduced Charlotte, “Miss Heywood…er..um, pardon me, Mrs. Parker, may I introduce you to my husband Earl Davies. Darling, this is Mrs. Parker, who is lately married, two days ago, to Mr. Sidney Parker.” The Earl was a pleasant, friendly, relaxed man, which was unusual for men of his station and wealth. He offered a broad smile to Charlotte as he said, “Mrs. Parker, it is a pleasure to meet you.” Shortly after the introductions the Earl and Countess were on their way to converse with another party present. 

Charlotte was puzzled at what could have changed so much that the Countess was actually civil. She appeared smug but introduced Charlotte to the Earl, and even greater a surprise was the fact that she did not try to cut, belittle, or demean Charlotte. While confusing, it was a pleasant and welcome surprise. She had worried how the interaction would go if they crossed paths at the ball. The three ladies, Babbington, Susan, and Spencer looked at each other with knowing smiles while Charlotte stood quietly.


	21. The Ball Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the London Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience with me as this new chapter took longer than usual.

The evening continued on in joyous fashion. Sidney as he promised himself, remained close to Charlotte much of the evening. He tried his best to convince his friends to dance with Charlotte when she was in need of a new dance partner, to prevent other men from having the pleasure of her company on the dance floor. 

Sidney was all too aware of Charlotte’s allure, and to his dismay, many, if not all the gentlemen present appeared to recognize it and admire her as well. He began to feel an uncomfortable feeling in his chest, a possessive quality long unknown to him. He was jealous! Charlotte was his and his alone. He didn’t want to share her with anyone. While he was proud to have her as his wife, he did not appreciate observing the hungry look in other men’s eyes as they gazed upon her figure and frequently landed on her bosom. He wanted to take Charlotte aside and make her wear a shawl to cover up, however, he knew all too well how she would respond to such an overture. It wouldn’t go well. So, he worked hard to push aside the feeling. He was able to enjoy dancing with Charlotte and observing her joy, smile, and playfulness when she danced with men of their acquaintance. 

He didn’t want to let Charlotte know what he felt, he wouldn’t want to ruin her evening or make her feel uncomfortable knowing all of the male attention she was receiving. If he could have he would have prevented her from dancing with any other men. However, it was not so. While he was engaged in conversation with friends a short distance away from Charlotte, a bold, young, handsome and very fashionable gentleman approached Charlotte to ask for her to accompany him on the dance floor. She wasn’t quite sure how to respond and certainly didn’t want to appear rude at her first ball in town as Mrs. Parker. She looked to Sidney briefly, but he was deep in conversation and didn’t notice, so in the end, she agreed. 

This gentleman, a Mr. Henry Lucas, was a pleasant, friendly young man. He was very attentive and maintained an amusing conversation while dancing with Charlotte. Charlotte, who was always an open, friendly, and still somewhat naïve, young woman enjoyed his company and thought little of his attentions. Sidney finally had a moment to look up from his conversation and his gaze returned to the location where Charlotte previously stood. When he noticed she was not there he was surprised, and even slightly frustrated. His eyes searched the nearby area and landed on her location, where she was smiling, talking, and laughing with another man, unknown to Sidney. From his vantage, it appeared that his wife was flirting with this gentleman. 

The feeling that Sidney was pushing away became stronger, reflexively he clenched his jaw and balled his hands in fists. Beyond that, he began to feel uncomfortable, worried even. He always knew Charlotte was too good for him. His thoughts wandered unfettered in this direction. He began to glare, with dark desperate eyes at his wife, Charlotte, and this unknown man who seemed to be enjoying her company a little too much. 

Babbington, who was not far away, observed Sidney’s posture and expression quickly came to his friend’s side. When he approached, Babbington said, “Parker, my friend, do not worry. Your wife only has eyes for you. She was just as friendly and engaging when she danced with me, there is no danger. You know she has an open disposition, there is no harm in it. And besides, you better calm yourself, because you know as well as I do, old friend, what would happen if you were to confront this gentleman or your wife. Charlotte is a strong-minded woman who will not take kindly to your jealousy or anger over a benign situation.” 

Babbington knew Sidney too well. Sidney knew he was right. He would not spoil their evening or anger his wife. He would have to get these feelings under better regulation. He was being selfish for wanting Charlotte all to himself. He knew she was outgoing and friendly, there was nothing to be upset about. Sidney exhaled, relaxed his jaw and hands, and replied, “Thank you Babbers, you are quite right my friend. I would quite step in it if I let my thoughts continue down that path and that would be good for no one.”

Babbington couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the unprecedented confession from Sidney, “My god Parker! That was a quick turn-around. You sure have changed, my friend. I am glad to see it!” Sidney laughed in return, though not as heartily. Sidney returned his gaze to Charlotte, whose eyes had been on him with a quizzical look. She must have heard Babbington laughing and seen some of the exchange. He gave her a pure and simple smile and she returned it. His heart grew and some of the walls that still remain to guard his heart crumbled at the sight of her. He loved her, she loved him. He knew it deep in his soul…he just needed to learn to trust, implicitly. 

The song ended and Mr. Henry Lucas bowed to Charlotte and she curtsied in return, then quickly came to Sidney’s side. She was beaming, “Sidney, I was just dancing with a Mr. Henry Lucas. When we were dancing I told him of our wedding and the many delights of Sanditon. He was very intrigued and is interested in visiting…and might even want to invest in the venture. Isn’t that wonderful!” At her words, Sidney internally admonished himself for his momentary fit of jealousy and mistrust in this amazing creature he was married to. Here he was feeling jealous, all the while she was speaking of him, their wedding, and potentially securing a new investor in Sanditon. 

At that moment a new dance was being called and he knew he wanted nothing more than to dance with his wife. The music started and both of their hearts stopped. It was the same song as their first dance in London at Mrs. Maudsley’s ball, the Waltz. Their eyes locked as they thought of the last time they danced this familiar dance when it was filled with desire, tension, uncertainty, and passion. This time it was so different, there was no doubt about their feelings, there was no tension, and their desire was much stronger. They needed each other, sought every opportunity to touch, embrace, and be near. They were unguarded with each other, they knew the joys of their passion, and this song….this dance brought it out anew. After feeling vulnerable and jealous, Sidney needed Charlotte more than ever before. He wanted to cherish her, embrace her, and even though he wouldn’t admit it to himself…to claim her. He wanted everyone at Lord and Lady Spencer’s ball to know that this was his wife, the woman he loved, who loved him.


	22. An End to the Evening

The ball continued on without any difficulty and Sidney stayed close by Charlotte the remainder of the evening. Charlotte was thrilled with the events of the evening and was none the wiser to Sidney’s internal struggle. She was glowing and had a wonderful evening, and in turn, so did Sidney. Sidney’s jealousy eased for the night as he was caught in the pull that was Charlotte. The Parkers and the Babbington’s were happy to retire for the evening at the end of the ball. The two couples left Luckington Court in the Babbington’s carriage. It wasn’t a long ride back to the Babbington’s London home, but it was such an enjoyable and exhausting evening that Charlotte began to doze off with her head on Sidney’s shoulder. 

Sidney sat in the carriage with Charlotte resting on him in utter contentment. He could not remember any other time in his life when he felt the way he did since Charlotte became his wife. There in the carriage with Charlotte on his arm and the Babbington’s equally as exhausted, he was able to take a few moments to reflect to himself. He now realized, that while he had wanted to show everyone at the ball (and even the entire world) that Charlotte belonged to him, he too just as equally, if not more, belonged to her. It was such a foreign sensation to have such a deep connection with another, so intertwined, and so complete. Sidney couldn’t help but feel a little unsteady, and even insecure, though he would never fully admit that to himself. 

When they arrived at the Babbington’s and went upstairs to their rooms Sidney had assumed that since Charlotte was so tired on the carriage ride that they would quickly retire for the night. However, Charlotte had other plans. While she was sleepy on the carriage ride, now back in the privacy of their bed-chamber she felt a renewed desire to be near her husband. She had enjoyed the ball, as she was a naturally social being and loved dancing. However, over the last few days since being a newly married woman, she had grown accustomed to being in more intimate company or more frequently alone with her husband. 

This evening was wonderful, but one thing was lacking, her intimacy and closeness with Sidney. While often close to one another they were in company at a ball filled with people, many of whom were interested in meeting the new Mrs. Parker. Charlotte would share brief glances with Sidney or find reasons to graze her hand over his, but most of the night she felt confined by the space between them. Only during their dances throughout the evening did Charlotte feel briefly alone with Sidney. In those moments she reveled in his touch, his dark eyes staring deeply into hers full of lust, the warmth, and closeness of his body as they danced. As she removed her evening wear with Abigail’s assistance and put on her chemise she felt her blood warm at the thought and a wave of heat rush through her body. Charlotte knew, without a doubt she needed to be close to Sidney and fully connected with him body and soul. 

As Charlotte entered their bed-chamber Sidney was lying peacefully on the bed under the covers. He clearly had no expectations for the night. That did not deter her, she was determined to once again be joined with her husband. She quietly entered the room, and Sidney was lost in thought so didn’t notice her enter the room. She stood there observing him appreciating his striking features, his strong jaw, dark eyes she could get lost in, his full sensual lips…oh his lips and the things they could do. Her body felt a tingling move into that spot, her clitoris, and then a pulsing at her growing desire. Charlotte shifted reflexively as she looked longing at her husband. At the sound, Sidney looked up surprised to see Charlotte in the room. As he looked closer he could see the hunger in her eyes. While surprised, it took him no longer than a second for his body to respond. 

Charlotte gracefully crossed the room to close the space between them. Her need to be filled by her husband was so strong that she had no hesitation, no insecurity. She trusted herself and her instincts. As she approached the side of the bed Sidney sat up to meet her. She grabbed his face in her hands and met his lips with her own full, soft lips. What began as a gentle kiss, became full of fervor, heat, and passion after their tongues first slid across one another. Charlotte’s hands then moved confidently to the end of her nightshirt and swiftly slid it up over his head. She returned to kissing Sidney as she climbed on top of his naked body sitting at the side of the bed. She straddled him and felt his hard penis pressing against her vulva and clitoris. The heat rose further and she almost overflowed with her desire. 

Sidney was in awe of this incredibly sexy, confident woman, his wife, who was taking control. It almost took him over the edge. He had seen so many sides of his beloved Charlotte, but tonight, she was absolutely intoxicating. He put her arms around his neck, grabbed her buttocks, and stood with her in his arms and wrapped around his body. He turned around and lay her down on the bed and began to climb over her. To his surprise, Charlotte stopped him and told Sidney to lay down. 

Charlotte began touching his penis and rubbing it with her hand but wasn’t quite sure what to do. As she looked directly into Sidney’s eyes, she said, “You have given me such pleasure with both your hand and your mouth in addition to our joining. I want to do the same for you.” Sidney became eager like a young man at the thought of her hand stroking him with intention…or her mouth, her beautiful mouth, with her full, luscious, soft lips, and wet tongue licking him up and down and taking all of him in deep down in her throat. He nearly came with anticipation. 

Charlotte continued to rub Sidney’s penis but looked to him in silent question for direction. In answer to her unspoken question, he placed his hand on top of hers and began stroking his pulsing penis, both hands in unison. He squeezed to add just the right amount of pressure, and she followed his lead. He began slow and steady but continued to pick up the speed of his strokes. When it was clear Charlotte had caught on, Sidney removed his hand and let her take control. Charlotte relished watching Sidney, seeing his body respond to her touch, having total control over him, and seeing his desire in his eyes.

Charlotte slowed her pace to a stop, which, yet again surprised Sidney. He felt suddenly empty at the loss of her touch. Charlotte lowered herself and placed herself at eye level with his penis. While maintaining a hold of his penis with one hand she leaned in slowly, as she did she looked up at Sidney for his encouragement. He paused, and said, “are you sure you want to do this?” Charlotte responded assuredly, “yes, I am sure. I want to, I will just need your guidance. I am not sure quite what to do.” 

Sidney encouraged her and explained what he had seen other women in brothels do to him before, but didn’t share that piece of information. He was calm and comforting as she began to slowly slide her tongue along the shaft of his penis up to the tip and continue to do so at Sidney’s encouragement. He felt like he was out of his body, the warmth, and moisture of her tongue was exquisite. He encouraged Charlotte to slowly open her mouth wider and while continuing to slide her tongue over him to take him in her mouth. Charlotte was surprised at how much she enjoyed feeling Sidney in her mouth, in this way, seeing his pleasure fueled her own. She continued to slowly slide her mouth up and down his penis in a similar rhythm as her hand had moments earlier. She boldly sped up her pace. Sidney was nearly undone, lost in the pleasure of the moment, but had to stop her. He wanted to make sure Charlotte’s needs were met before he gave in to his need for release. He gently slowed her and guided her face up to his. The look in his eyes filled with such awe, devotion, and love. He kissed her gently, then said, responding to her look said, “Charlotte that was truly amazing. I was so close to coming and did not want to until you did or we both did at the same time.” She responded, “oh” with a slight smile and flushed. 

Sidney lay Charlotte on her back and gently spread her thighs open while he sat beside her. He slid down with his face between her legs and leaned in closely. She lay in anticipation of his touch. He took his time slowly licking her clitoris ever so softly. At the sensation of his tongue on her, she moaned and her body lifted in response. He continued to slowly lick her, slightly increasing the pressure and speed with each stroke of his tongue. Charlotte was utterly lost in the pure ecstasy she felt. Her moans got louder as he continued, her hips moved upward toward his mouth, desperate for the pressure of him. Her hands wrapped in his hair. Sidney could feel his erection get harder and throb as he watched her writhe and moan as he licked her. Watching her pleasure was almost better than feeling his own. He could tell she was getting close to coming. She looked at Sidney and cried in a breathless tone, “I need you inside me now.”

Sidney slowed his activities to a stop, then lay over Charlotte’s eager and ready body and thrust deeply into her. As he did a groan escaped his lips. The sensation was indescribable. Was it possible that it could feel better than before? He was hesitant to move for fear of coming undone too soon. Yet, Charlotte’s body craved his and called his, full of need. Her hips began to rise and fall with greater regularity in sync with every time he slid in and out of her. Both their bodies took over. His rising and falling, entering her deeper and deeper with each thrust. Hers grasping his buttocks as she tried to pull him as close and as deep as possible. The pressure kept building, their rhythm continued to increase until they both cried out in ecstasy and came undone together. It was the perfect ending to a beautiful evening. They both fell fast asleep, naked, in each other’s arms.


	23. Alone on Their Honeymoon...Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the long absence from this story. Work and life have seemed to keep me busy. I am glad to be back and have another steamy chapter for you! I hope you enjoy it! I plan to continue writing so hang in there with me.

Sidney and Charlotte enjoyed the remainder of their time in London, with the Babbington’s, but were relieved when it was time to finally continue on their journey to the northern lake districts alone, only with one another. So much of their time getting to know one another, and finally coming together, had been in the presence of others. Sidney had already seen how much Charlotte was beginning to relax and be herself around him even under those constraints, but he was really looking forward to the two of them experiencing so many new things separate from all of their connections and relations.  
When they both entered the carriage and sat down they both immediately sighed in relief. They could feel the tension relax in each other’s bodies. For the first time and for several weeks to come, they would not have to answer to anyone or anything outside of each other. 

Their travels through the coaching inns were smooth and uneventful. They finally made it to Cumbria and the Royal Lion Inn. When they arrived Sidney handed Charlotte a small plainly wrapped package. Charlotte was growing accustomed to Sidney’s thoughtful attention to detail and his joy in giving her such gifts that bring her joy. Charlotte appreciated the further insight it gave her into Sidney and his generous nature. When she opened her gift she was pleased to find the book, A Guide to the Lakes by Father Thomas West. She was delighted, this book provided insight into the best locations and views in the district. As an avid reader with an adventurous spirit, this was a wonderful gift. Further, it was a wise gift so they could plan out their daily adventures based on the suggestions the book offered.  
Charlotte and Sidney spent their first day in Cumbria resting after all of their travels and preparing for the days ahead. Sidney could not help but smile seeing the pure joy and excitement in Charlotte’s face as she read from her new book. “Oh Sidney, the Lake District is known for its’ many beauties…craggy hilltops, mountains, sparkling lakes, and winding rivers. How will we ever be able to see everything during our visit?” Sidney replied, “My darling, we will do our best, but won’t be able to see everything…at least during this visit. But, we will be able to ‘behold these steep and lofty cliffs that on a wild secluded scene impress’ as described by William Wordsworth,” Charlotte continued the quote, “’Thoughts of more deep seclusion; and connect the landscape with the quiet of the sky.’ It is such a beautiful description. His words are what first made me want to visit this part of the country!” “I should have known you would also have read Wordsworth,” Sidney said as he smiled adoringly at his magnificent wife. 

That evening after supper Charlotte and Sidney retired to their room early. They were completely at ease in each other’s company. They talked and laughed for what seemed like hours. Charlotte hadn’t ever seen Sidney so relaxed, peaceful, and happy since met him. They reveled in their time alone. At some point in the evening, the feeling in the air turned. 

Charlotte, growing increasingly aware and attune to these changes felt her heart begin to race, her cheeks flush in anticipation. Sidney looked over at Charlotte directly into her eyes and she felt a welcome shiver down her spine, he then reached across the table and gently caressed Charlotte’s hand, rubbing his thumb gently over the top of her hand and fingers. Though she was eager to join with her husband once more….and her body ever so ready to feel his touch…she didn’t want to rush one moment. She wanted to relish in every delight as they were finally, truly alone, and away from any other pressures. She wanted to take her time to explore the terrain that was her husband. 

Charlotte returned Sidney’s longing gaze and licked her lips slowly as she inhaled deeply. Sidney felt a surge deep within him and released a moan at the sight of her. In response, she bit down on her luscious bottom lip, which only further incited Sidney’s lust. They both were eager for each other, yet wanted to savor every look, touch, and sensation. 

Emboldened in a new way, Charlotte stood and slowly stepped toward Sidney. As she took each step, in what seemed like a slow agonizing pace, she began to undress. All the while keeping her eyes locked with Sidney’s. Swiftly he stood and took over the agonizing job of helping Charlotte remove her stays and layers of clothing until she was in her chemise. To his surprise, Charlotte didn’t stop there. She continued to remove her chemise ever so slowly exposing every inch of her magnificent figure as she did so. 

While he had already seen Charlotte in this way before, never had she seemed so sure of herself, it took his breath away. He gulped hard to steady himself so he wouldn’t rush too quickly. Tonight was going to be a long night of exploration. Sidney began to remove his clothing and felt his hands shake and knees go weak as he felt the flood of overwhelming love like he had never felt before…mixed with his lust, and the sight of this beautiful woman before him, he momentarily felt he might lose his balance. At this moment any armor Sidney had built up over years was completely shattered…and he felt exposed and vulnerable…yet, would have it no other way. Did Charlotte know…truly know how he felt? Did she know how much she had done for him? What she had done to him? This girl from Willingden, who had never been anywhere else most of her life, came out of nowhere and shook his entire world. She was all he needed, all he wanted, her and only her…there was no one else. 

Charlotte was not sure what was going through Sidney’s mind but had noticed his fumbling. She thought it was more to do with his desire. She calmly moved his hands aside and hers began where his left off. Her movements were slow and deliberate. Eventually, they both stood there, completely naked, staring directly into each other’s eyes. 

They seemed caught in a trance unable to move when Charlotte broke their gaze. Her eyes moved deliberately over every inch of Sidney’s body. Her fingertips grazed tenderly up his arms, over his chest, through his chest hair, down over his taut stomach tickly lightly as they continued down, until she reached his hard, throbbing, wanting, penis. She continued to move one hand softly and slowly over the shaft of his penis, up and down over the tip, and down to the base. Sidney reached over to caress her full breasts, press his lips on hers. He was desperate to taste her mouth, and feel her full lips on his…to feel the tip of her tongue glide in rhythm with his. His lips continued to kiss her cheek, and her neck. His tongue slid up to her soft earlobe, which sent a rush down between her legs. As he did so, she grabbed him tighter and picked up her pace. Sidney moved his hands down to slow hers and lifted them around his neck. He then nimbly lifted Charlotte and carried her over to the bed and lay her down on her back. As he did, he sat on the bed near her. When he spoke, Sidney said, “Charlotte, my love, I want to watch you pleasure yourself.”

Surprised, Charlotte did not know what to say. She had never done such a thing alone, so how could she with him. Yet, she was intrigued…and turned on that he wanted to see her that way. She trusted Sidney and wanted to experience all there was to experience with him. She blushed scarlet, looked down, bit her lip nervously, and then said, “Ok.” She paused, then looked into Sidney’s eyes sheepishly, swallowed deeply, and continued, “…but I know not what to do or how to do it. I will need your help.” At that, he replied simply, “gladly.” Sidney once again began caressing Charlotte’s hand, circling the tip of his thumb over her hand and fingers. He leaned in and began kissing her again. His kiss was soft, sweet, gentle. Sidney wanted to help Charlotte relax to reassure her with his touch and his kisses. As he kissed her he gently slid his hands down her legs and over her knees to help her spread her legs. Then he took one of her hands in his and slid it down between her legs to that warm, wet spot. With her hand in his, he placed two fingers on her clitoris and began to have her circle her clitoris while he held her hand. She felt flushed, nervous….and even insecure for a moment, but the touch, her touch felt good. Sidney continued to help her and began kissing her sweetly as he did. He saw that his closeness and his kiss seemed to relax her. 

Charlotte began to take control. He eased his hand away from hers. Charlotte was now fully exploring herself and these new feelings at her own touch. It was so erotic and felt so new….and delightful. She began to lose any nerves or apprehension and fully gave in to the sensation. Sidney was so aroused, his penis was taught, he felt his own need growing. He felt a slight wetness at the tip of his penis. Watching Charlotte touch herself, moaning, and writhing in pleasure was better than he could have imagined. He whispered in her ear, “may I place my fingers inside you while you continue?” Breathless, she replied, “yes…oh, yes…please.” Sidney slid two fingers inside Charlotte while she continued to circle her clitoris. As he did, she inhaled sharply and opened her eyes wide. Sidney began pumping his fingers in and out. Her body rose and fell with his fingers. Her fingers picked up their pace and moved rapidly circling over and over until she screamed in pleasure. Sidney removed his fingers and stared longingly into Charlotte’s eyes waiting for her permission. With one look and a breathless, “I want you” he entered her and thrust fast and hard until he too cried out in pleasure.


	24. The Lake District

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay. It seems like work and life keep getting in the way. I do still enjoy writing and love the feedback from my readers. This is a short chapter to get me back into writing again. I hope to have another one soon.

The next morning Charlotte woke refreshed and ready for the day. She was terribly excited to explore the Lake District with Sidney. Since their wedding, life has been a dream, one enchanting moment to the next. Charlotte has always been filled with wonder and an adventurous spirit, but the size of her family and her father’s proclivity to stay close to home prohibited her from adventuring outside of her mind. That fateful carriage accident outside of her family’s estate set her world off in a direction she had only dreamed possible. Since that moment so much has changed for Charlotte. She was eager to start another adventure and see the sights of the Lake District that she had heard and read so much about. 

Sidney and Charlotte readied themselves for the day, packed a picnic luncheon, and were off in their carriage to spend the day at Grasmere Lake. As they departed for their destination, Charlotte could not help but look wistfully out the window as she took in all that was around her. While she did so, she was completely unaware of just how enchanting she was to Sidney. Sidney could not pull his eyes away from his beautiful, charming wife. What a gift his wife was, she brought him back to life, broke him out of his ire, loneliness, and meaningless life. Watching Charlotte’s pure joy at the prospect of new explorations and anticipation of what they before them could not but bring a smile to his face. Seeing the world through Charlotte’s eyes gave him a new perspective on well-known territories, as if he were seeing them once again for the first time. How could he ever truly express to her what she meant to him and how much he was changed for having her in his life. 

Charlotte, this unassuming farmer’s daughter, from a small unknown town to many, is such a wonder. She is joyful, playful, completely non-pretentious, open, honest, true, lively, spirited, intelligent, wise, and the most beautiful woman Sidney has ever beheld. As he gazed longingly at his wife, he took in every piece of her…the wonder in her eyes, the way her mouth was slightly parted, with a small smile beginning. His eyes couldn’t help but continue to travel down to the slope of her neck, the fullness of her bosom, and the curve of her hips. This is what always happened to him, something as simple as appreciating the wonder of Charlotte, led to the primal needs of his body to be awakened. The bumpiness of the carriage did nothing to settle the heat rising within him, because each bump caused Charlotte’s breasts to rise and fall with them. 

Not even fully realizing what he was doing Sidney reached out and gently caressed her neck with the tips of his fingers in a delicate yet seductive manner. This movement seemed to jolt Charlotte out of her reverie. As she turned, she saw the hunger deep in Sidney’s eyes calling her toward him. Sidney’s hands continued to caress her neck and slid ever so gently along her chest along the neckline of her gown. Instinctively Charlotte’s breathing caught, then came at an increasing pace as she felt a wave of heat rush over her body while keeping her eyes locked on Sidney’s. No words were needed, she immediately began to slowly remove her long gloves, pulling lose one finger at a time until she could glide the glove off of each hand to expose her skin. As she did, Sidney moved in to close the space between them and turned his body to face her. He then began to remove his own top coat and gloves to remove the barrier between them. Then his hands reached up to grasp her face in them and he mouth came crashing down on hers in such an urgent manner. How could this woman do this to him? He was utterly and completely in her control. Charlotte’s lips quickly parted so she could slide her tongue into Sidney’s mouth. Suddenly she absolutely needed to taste him and feel him. His hands moved in a rush, in an urgent need to feel as much of her as he could. He slid his hands down to release her breasts from the top of her gown. He broke their kiss so he could take her breasts, so full, so smooth, so luxurious, into his mouth. As he did he sucked and nibbled. With his mouth on her, Charlotte moaned and arched her neck to give him greater access to her. 

Hearing Charlotte’s moan was all he needed to lose what little control he had over himself in that moment. The next thing he knew, he was lifting Charlotte’s hips to raise her skirts. He spread her legs and bent down on his knees so he could taste her sweetness and put his mouth on her. He loved the site of her with her breasts out, heaving with her rapid breaths, legs spread open wide, exposing her most delicate spot to him. He began slowly licking along the crease in her thigh moving in a wicked manner to tease and tantalize her until his mouth was upon her clitoris. His tongue was warm, firm, and delightful. He knew just how to circle her clitoris, with exactly the right pressure to bring her immense pleasure. Charlotte’s hands were in his hair as she moaned and called out his name. They moved to her breasts to squeeze and tantalize her nipples as Sidney continued to bring her to greater depths of pleasure. She lost all awareness of the fact that they were in the carriage and didn’t care. All that mattered was this moment. Sidney increased his pace and pressure as Charlotte’s moans increased, until the pinnacle when she cried out, “Sidney, I’m coming…oh Sidney” until her body quivered and stilled. 

As Sidney started to sit up, she made quick work of his breaches. She looked right into his eyes and said, “your turn”. Charlotte grasped his firm, large erection in her hands and leaned in to take him into her mouth with her full lips. She licked, teased, stroked, and brought her mouth up and down over him fully until he too cried out loudly and stopped her movements and pulled her up to him. “Oh Charlotte, I never could have imagined I could be so lucky. I love you my dear”, was all Sidney could say. They remained in each other’s embrace in the confines of the carriage for a few blissful moments before making themselves more presentable. Once they were in order, Charlotte rest her head on Sidney’s shoulder and fell asleep for the remainder of the trip until they reached Grasmere Lake.   
As they exited the carriage, Charlotte was giddy. Grasmere Lake was truly magnificent, it was surrounded by small mountains and steep hills. There were nearby streams of the Lake District. The sights were luscious greens and clear water. The sounds around her were those of rustling water as it flowed down the mountain falls. The terrain was wild and rugged, with crags and ghylls.


	25. A Walk Along the Cliffs with a Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte begin to reflect on when they first fell in love. This will continue over a few chapters.

As Sidney and Charlotte explored the terrain and walked along the cliffs, Charlotte was lost in thought. She couldn’t help but reflect on where it all began, a walk along the cliffs in Sanditon. Not the day of their indescribable first kiss, rather that day where they first met, on the walk with Mary along the cliffs on the way to Sanditon House to call on Lady Denham….the one where Sidney hopped down from his Phaeton, barely glanced at her, thought she was a maid, and couldn’t even remember her name. They had come so far since that moment, she couldn’t help but wonder when it all had changed…for Sidney….and even for herself. She was lost in it all before she even realized it, then there was complete bliss, quickly destroyed by utter heartbreak. Then, so unexpectedly, they were together again. Since then she has been all consumed by everything that was Sidney and their new life together. 

She was broken from her reverie when Sidney said with a smile, “penny for your thoughts.” Charlotte shook her head slightly, blushed, and then smiled shyly, which was unexpected. Sidney hadn’t seen her smile like that for some time, or at least it seemed as if it had been some time. Charlotte stopped walked, turned and looked up at Sidney, “as we were walking along the cliffs, I couldn’t help but reflect on when we first met.” Sidney couldn’t help but cringe a little, knowing that he was a beast and incredibly rude when they first met…and if he wanted to admit it to himself a number of times after that. If he could he would forget how abominably he treated his dear wife during those early days and weeks in Sanditon, let alone later when he broke both of their hearts. He didn’t want to think of those days…the guilt and the soul-crushing pain. 

Charlotte continued, “We had such a rocky start, I have often wondered…when did you first realize you loved me?” This made Sidney smile, a real, genuine smile. He loved so many things about Charlotte, including her directness. Not all ladies would ask a question such as that and with such innocence and candor. 

Sidney’s mouth curved just at the corners as he responded, “Unfortunately, darling, that is not a simple question to answer.” He paused, to consider how to continue. As he did, he glanced at Charlotte, who seemed very curious by that answer. Sidney continued, “When we met, I was a different man…so closed off, jaded, aloof, and even a bit lonely, though I wouldn’t have admitted it to myself. So much had happened in my life that made me that way, beginning with the first heartache brought on by Eliza, though that wasn’t the worst of it. After Eliza left me for Mr. Campion, I was lost. Before then I had been so sure, so open, so trusting…but then it all came crashing down. Not everyone was pure, not everyone listened to their heart, society be damned. People were selfish, self-serving, calculated, and greedy. So, as much as Eliza made the major blow, she wasn’t the only reason I became so closed off. She was just the one who opened my eyes to the reality of the world, that I had once wanted to think had so much good in it.”

Charlotte knew that Mrs. Eliza Campion, Eliza, was the woman who broke Sidney’s heart, the one who changed him, but she and Sidney had never spoken of the details. Charlotte kept silent, not wanting to ruin this moment of Sidney’s reflection. She just looked him in the eyes, silently encouraging him to continue. Sidney continued, “After Eliza broke my heart, I dove head first into a life of idleness and dissolution, all of which you have had a glimpse of when we searched for Georgianna in London. It was so much worse…I gambled, I drank to oblivion, I boxed, I was a rake….I did whatever I could to numb the pain….but only brought myself deeper and deeper into despair.” Sidney’s gaze grew cloudy as he looked back into his memories of a time so different from now. 

“Tom saved me….did you know that? He bailed me out, paid off my debts, and set me up with a man of his acquaintance, Mr. Gregory Lambe, Georgianna’s father. That is when I went to Antigua. Gregory forced me every day to wake up and do something of substance, to make something of myself. Gregory was a good man, a kind man, and maybe saw something of himself in me. He helped me become prosperous again and taught me of his business. Most of my time in Antigua gave me purpose and healed my broken heart….but there was also shame. Gregory, while good and kind, owned slaves. He treated his slaves well, much better than the other horrendous slave owners in that region, but he still owned slaves…and I profited off the fruits of the labors of his slaves. It is as you said, my ‘fortune is tainted by the stain of slavery’…when you said those words that day by the London coach, you could never have known just how much they would wound me. I still live with the knowledge and guilt every day… that I was saved financially because of slavery. Eventually, I convinced Gregory to free his slaves and pay them a fair wage for their work, but it didn’t erase the truth.” 

“Even though Gregory was a kind slave-owner, we did business with other slave-owners who were not….they did horrendous things to other human beings…things that I cannot erase from my memory…things that will haunt me until my dying day. Even while I was saved when in Antigua, my view of the world was forever changed….and I was broken in a new way.” Charlotte continued to watch Sidney as he opened himself up to her in a new way and shared his vulnerability and inner most struggles. Sidney continued, “When I came back to England I continued to build my business enterprise and my wealth. However, I still couldn’t shake off the disdain and guilt I felt for where it all began. As I said I was forever changed, so I vowed to keep everyone at arm’s length. It was fairly easy to do as so many people in town are fickle and self-serving. There were few I cared about and even fewer who I trusted, so I even kept them at arm’s length. Or at least I thought I did…until you came along.”

“When I first saw you I thought you looked sweet and innocent and thought you were probably like all the other women of my acquaintance of marrying age…looking for a husband, which I wasn’t willing to entertain or encourage. I also thought Mary would likely push you on me, as she has with other women in the past. I don’t hold it against her, she just wanted to see me happy…certainly happier than I was. That is the thing about Mary….she has always been perceptive, and could see right through me. Even during those brief moments, there was something different about you…your response to my behavior, the look in your eyes. They said so much more than any words could have done. I brushed it off as inconsequential and moved on with my day.”

“Then, when I saw you again at the ball, I was of course attracted to you, you were certainly no maid, and were much more elegant than I would have thought at first glance. What was most intriguing was the refreshing, exuberant look in your eyes at being at the ball. You didn’t fain indifference as is the wont of fashionable ladies of the ton. Your reaction was pure, honest, and open.” Charlotte responded with a slight giggle and at blush, “or pure inexperience…” Sidney interrupted, “No, it was something I was so unused to for many years. When Babbington, Crowe, and I approached you, Clara Brereton, and Ester Denham, I had hoped one of the other gentleman would ask you to dance, so I could continue to keep my distance. But when they asked the other ladies to dance and I saw the disappointment in your eyes, I could not help but ask you to dance, even if it meant that I had to allow myself to get closer to you….which I didn’t want to do, if only to keep my wall up.”

“When we danced I wanted to make sure that I would not encourage your affections or give off any false impression of interest so I kept my mien stiff and my body as distant as possible, barely looking in your direction. Yet, you could not stand the awkwardness and had to try to add some warmth and interaction. Your reaction to my response to your question about Tom and the ball, “and you care about such things” took me by surprise and off guard, it wasn’t the usual superficial conversation one had during a dance. It was as if you could truly see me as well. Thankfully, Georgianna arrived and disrupted our dance.”

“However, later you were unavoidable when you came upon me on the balcony. At first, I thought you came because you sought me out, but after I moment it was clear that you came to the balcony because you needed a quiet moment to catch your breath and collect your thoughts. Your eyes were filled with a million thoughts as you glanced across the ballroom, and surprisingly, I was dying to know what you were thinking. It was such a strange sensation…even then I was drawn to you in this inexplicable way. I told myself it was because of a strong physical attraction, but I know was lying to myself.”  
“Your assessment of my family was so spot on it cut to the quick. I couldn’t believe that a young woman who had limited experience could in such short acquaintance come to see the true characters of those around her. I was angry, but mostly terrified. I had worked so hard to keep the world at a distance, to control how the world saw me, and yet here you were breaking through all that I had worked years to build. I had to push you away, create a barrier, and discourage you from getting any closer…which was especially challenging because you were staying with Tom and Mary.”

Charlotte replied, “Sidney, I had no idea I had done that to you. I only knew that I offended you and your family and felt terrible. I was a guest of Tom and Mary, and couldn’t imagine anyone thinking that I was mocking and rude to people who were so generous and kind to open their home to me.” Sidney said, “I know….I was so shocked when you sought me out to apologize. It was so unexpected, so different than how others would behave. Others would have avoided me, which was what I hoped for. But you have a strong character and sense of right and wrong, you couldn’t help yourself but to approach the issue head on and attempt to make amends.” Charlotte replied, “You make it sound so brave. I had to apologize because it was the right thing to do, but also because for some reason, I didn’t want you to think poorly of me. At the time I couldn’t understand it at all, but it was there nonetheless.” 

“You are special, Charlotte, so unique, a rare jewel. Even then I allowed myself to for the briefest of moments to recognize it, but you were getting too close and were too intriguing, I had to find a way to close myself off to you. So, I did what I knew to do, I lashed out at you. But even then, you saw right through it. Your words stunned me, took my breath away, “only if you really don’t care, I wonder why you take the trouble to be so offensive and hurtful.” That was it…in that moment I may not have loved you, but I knew I was intrigued by you, like no other woman before you…not even Eliza. It was such a strange and uncomfortable feeling that I tried to blow it off, but either way I knew I needed to get away from Sanditon, away from you. And yet, I couldn’t…Tom kept pulling me back in and Mrs. Griffiths needed me to help with Georgianna…or maybe I was just looking for a real excuse to stay.”

“I knew I was in trouble after you rebuffed my attempts to speak with you at Lady Denham’s luncheon. I have always had a way with women, so never would have expected you to completely avoid speaking with me and turn away…even after being so unkind. Looking back, it was quite remarkable, actually. I truly began to realize that you were no ordinary young lady. Then when you came to Georgianna’s defense and again when you so clearly and what seemed to be honestly expressed that your desire in coming to Sanditon was not to look for a husband there was something quite unique about you. Your conviction and passion when you shared your thoughts about marriage without affection was beguiling. From that moment on it was an up and down storm of emotions.”


	26. That Is When I Knew I Loved You With All That I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the continuation of the last chapter, reflecting on the past from Sidney's point of view.

As Charlotte and Sidney walked the cliffs around Grasmere Lake, Sidney continued to reflect on when he knew he loved Charlotte. It was a long slow process, but when he knew he was sure and wouldn't ever turn back. Sidney continued, “Your presence, after that luncheon, was disturbing my peace and well maintained composure. To collect myself and clear my thoughts I sought refuge in swimming in the cove. And yet, there you were…again…coming upon me when least expected, invading even my private space. I didn’t know how to feel after you some me, quite literally, exposed. That shook me to my core. I was quite glad later when Mrs. Griffiths told me of how she found you and Georgianna with your skirts up and bear feet in the water. It made you seem young, immature, silly, and a bad influence on Georgianna, or so I told myself.” Charlotte said, “I was so taken aback that you thought me such a bad influence on Georgianna at the time. I was trying to be a friend to Georgianna to help her in a time of need…to cheer her up, yet you had no idea of what had happened, or how she suffered.” “No, I didn’t, I was much too absent and distant a guardian to want to understand what she was going through or to truly be there for her. Instead, I heard about her behavior and blamed it on you.”

“How unfair of you”, was Charlotte’s reply. Sidney said, “Yes, quite, but I didn’t want to be fair to you. Remember, I was trying to keep you at arm’s length, further actually, your presence was very unsettling to me.” Charlotte said, “very well, I do have that effect on some people!” Sidney chuckled to himself then smiled broadly when he said, “yes, yes you do, and I wouldn’t change that for the world!” He paused for a moment, then said, “now, where was I, oh yes… a major turning point for me, actually I believe both of us, if I am not mistaken, was after Mr. Stringer the Senior’s accident. I saw something in you that was by far the most different from any woman I had ever encountered, even Mary, who I love dearly and greatly respect. It was the calm you displayed under pressure…you were so level-headed, kind, patient, and very capable. I must say even most men wouldn’t have managed as you did. I was very impressed by you, and it made me reconsider the idea that you were silly. No woman who was silly and fickle could maintain such composure under such circumstances. When we stood outside of Trafalgar House I felt a strong, undeniable pull toward you, and the closer I got the more electric it felt. I didn’t really want to actually acknowledge it in my conscious mind, but my subconscious mind and my body knew before I did.”

“That was when I felt an internal shift, whether I would have attributed it to you or not. I remember pausing that evening when Tom asked for my assistance in securing more funding for Sanditon. I usually would have become more irritated and brushed him off. Instead, I paused and saw you in the hall and thought of what you said to me about how I am not helping his as much as I can. I began to change my behavior, I began to open up more, and was more willing to help. I also noticed a change with Georgianna, I actually told her that I wanted to and was going to do better as her guardian. After that, I was sorry to leave Sanditon and even thought I would miss you when I was gone, but I had business to see to.”

“After a week absence from your presence, I was eager to return to Sanditon, and in all honesty, to return to see you. It was so strange, all of it. Suddenly, I had become an eager school boy with a crush, even though I still wouldn’t really admit it. It had been so long since I had let myself feel any such thing. I even asked Mary about your whereabouts when I stopped at Trafalgar House, in hopes of finding you. I have to tell you how worried, upset, angry, and frustrated I became when I couldn’t find you or Georgianna. So, when I finally heard your voice behind a coach…mocking me, saying I was in London gallivanting around with my high-society friends, it killed me. My pride was wounded. You were the first woman who I even remotely opened myself up to, and here you were with Georgianna….and Mr. Molyneaux….whom she had no business being with….and YOU were mocking ME. The whole thing shook me to my core. I was filled with rage, pure and simple…mostly at myself, for allowing myself to trust you and hold some regard for you. So, again I found yet another reason to dismiss you and another reason to leave Sanditon as soon as possible to be far away from you.” Charlotte said, “I just want you to know, that I wasn’t behind the planning of the rendezvous, rather I was tricked into it, and stayed by their sides because you entrusted Georgianna to me. I did behave terribly when mocking you and Mrs. Griffiths, and I apologize. I certainly didn’t think you would hear me or that it would have wounded you so deeply.” 

Sidney said, “As you well know now, that was not the deepest wound you inflicted that day…it was a bad day all around for both of us. We both said some regrettable things, and yet, I cannot regret any of it. We broke each other down, we were laid bare, and exposed, to only reflect on ourselves, and our own behavior.” Charlotte replied, “That is true. I had never had someone get to me like that, to bring me to such fervor and passion, even anger. There was something about you that did that to me and it was so foreign.” Sidney continued, “I spent another number of days in London, this time working hard not to think of you or dream or you, yet failing miserably. I was still so angry and hurt and couldn’t believe that I still couldn’t stop thinking of you. When I returned I knew I would be in your presence, but was anxious to get it over with, and then there was the Cricket Match.” Sidney sighed and smiled to himself at the thought. “Somehow, again, you managed to break through my reserve. There you were, confidently saying that you can play cricket, joining the men, which was simply not done, and yet it just fit, all that was you. I had to see you play and could not fight it. You were incredible, better than many of the men playing. I found myself smiling, laughing, and completely enchanted by you…your skill, your confidence, your playfulness, and your beauty.” Charlotte added, “I loved that cricket match. It was so much fun, but most of all to see you so at ease, smiling, laughing, cheering, and encouraging.”

Sidney started again, “But then again we faced a conundrum. Georgianna had run off, or so we thought…she had been kidnapped, and I became an angry brute yet again. Angry that I had trusted you and started to let you in again, angry that I hadn’t taken good enough care of Georgianna, and angry that Georgianna had been so careless. But I only took it out on you and blamed you. It is a wonder that you could stand the sight of me after all of the times I abused you. And then, as always, you rose to the occasion. You showed courage and dedication to your friend and stole away to London by yourself, a city you had never visited before to try to find Georgianna.”

“When I realized that the nearly defiled woman crumpled on the ground was you I was utterly and completely shocked….and angry…and irritated…and yet…intrigued. I wanted to find Georgiana and felt that you would be a hindrance, would slow me down, hell, I already had to protect you and save you from sudden doom. I couldn’t fathom how Mary would allow you to travel all the way to London on the public coach all by yourself. Then, I was even more surprised to find out that your dedication to your friend was so deep that you went against Mary’s express orders. While infuriated by the fact that you would risk yourself and the fact that I thought you would be in the way, I thought it endearing that you were so bold and brave and committed to your friend. Not many would do the same, man or woman. Now looking back I know, without a doubt, Georgianna would have been lost and married that ghastly man. For that alone, Georgianna and I are forever indebted to you.”

“That fateful carriage ride all over town and toward Scotland, changed me forever. Being close to you, hearing your opinion of me, hearing you say that I take pains to become unknowable, seeing your reaction to the “boarding house” we stopped at, it was the beginning of the end as I knew it. Without even knowing it, you were breaking down all of my defenses, all that I worked so hard to construct in such a way to keep people at a distance, to prevent them from truly seeing me or truly knowing me. That night in London, after we were able to save Georgianna and get back to safety in London and I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking of all of the things you had observed about me, all of the things you had said, and you were right. I realized that when I let myself truly trust you, we were able to work together and we found Georgianna. If I could only allow myself to open up more and trust more, maybe more was possible. I didn’t want you to think badly of me, I wanted to prove to you I was a good man, capable of being kind, and generous, and thoughtful. That is when I knew I had to help Otis, so he wouldn’t be condemned for one mistake. I had to allow him a proper parting with Georgianna. I had to apologize to you for underestimating you.”

“When I saw how affected you were by the events associated with Georgianna’s abduction, I couldn’t help but want to see your spirits lifted. I was disheartened to see you decline Babbington’s invitation to Mrs. Moseley’s ball. I remember the pure joy on your face at the first ball we attended and could only presume how poorly you felt to decline the offer. That is why I came up to your sitting room to persuade you to attend, under the guise of saying that Tom asked me to encourage you to come. I was very pleased when you decided to attend.”

“The evening of the ball was when I felt another shift inside me, but I was too stupid to fully embrace it. The moment I saw you descend the stairs to meet me and Tom in the foyer, you took my breath away. I couldn’t help but take in every inch of you. You were enchanting, yet you had no idea just how truly breathtaking you were. There was uncertainty in your eyes, as if you thought I were looking at you to find fault. I didn’t want to leave your side, but of course Tom pulled me away. Several minutes later I turned to see where you were, hoping you would still be chatting with Babbington, but you were nowhere in sight. That is when I decided to look for you and found you in the parlor with Lady Susan. When I walked in you were in a deep discussion with Lady Susan, your cheeks appeared flushed, you looked confused, and you were somewhat speechless, which was quite surprising.”

“When I took your hand in mine it just felt right, like it was meant to be there. As we approached the dance floor and lined up for our waltz, you seemed genuinely surprised that I wanted to dance with you. As the music began, I fell under your spell. It was as if we were the only two people in the room and everything else, all the people, just melted away. I was lost in your eyes, your touch, the curve of your neck, the fullness of your bosom, and felt the pull toward you. Then, when the music slowed the trance broke, I glanced up and saw Mrs. Campion. What a fool I was! I still can’t believe I let her draw me in again and pull me away from you, the magnificent refreshing, beautiful woman I was just enthralled with. I cringe to think that I walked away from you right to her. You deserved so much more than that in that moment.”

“I am still not quite sure why I was so drawn to her…maybe it brought me back to another time, the memories of wanting her for so long and not being able to think of anything else. The fact that she had been out of reach, untouchable for nearly a decade, and was now real, tangible, within reach, and available. Maybe I wanted to feel like that young man again, unjaded, untainted….or maybe I was just scared of how it felt to be so close with you that I needed to find an escape to think clearly. Either way, it was not ok.”

“After the ball, you seemed to withdraw from me, to keep your distance. You seemed unsure of yourself and timid, and then Tom brought you back to Sanditon. I was happy to bump into you at Mrs. Griffiths outside of Georgianna’s room on the day of the regatta. I wanted to connect with you, to talk to you, to be near you. I still didn’t totally know why and didn’t fully trust myself. I needed to be sure with you, you deserved nothing less. I needed to know if you felt the same, I couldn’t risk my heart again only to have it broken one more time.”

“When you came upon me by the boat I had to draw you closer, I needed you near me. I couldn’t let you turn and walk away. As I looked at you, I was thinking to myself about the difference between you and Eliza. Eliza, who I had thought I loved for so long was now in reach, but she was changed…or maybe I was. She seemed superficial, caddy, petty, trite, and very much like influential ladies of the ton. You were so open, honest, completely yourself at every turn without any artifice. That is when I asked you about the man and the river. Of course you surprised me when you knew Heraclitus, but it shouldn’t have. Somehow it seemed so right, so you. Yet another example of why you were so special and so unique. I had to come up with an excuse to keep you with me so I asked you to help balance the boat. You felt so incredible in my arms when I helped you into the boat.”

“As I rowed and shared my thoughts with you, I felt whole, like I could truly be myself. That while I have felt that I didn’t truly belong anywhere, that I was an outlier I could belong with you. You seemed to know exactly what to say…marriage was about compatibility. I began to feel that same pull to be close to you, to touch you, so had you take over rowing with my support. The heat and electricity I felt when I placed my hands on yours was so strong. That same trance that I felt before at the ball took over and it was as if we were dancing again in our own rhythm, where we were the only two people in the world lost in each other. I wanted to feel you, all of you. I wanted to kiss you and get lost in you. My heart began to race and the heat spread all over my body and I felt the familiar pulsing in my veins and in my groin. It was like nothing I had ever experienced with any other person before. When again Eliza broke the trance and I again withdrew from you.”

“Later when Eliza and I came upon you and Lady Susan under the tent, I was ashamed with how Eliza mocked you, how she used my words of admiration against you, and most of all how I stood there powerless as she gutted you. My heart ached as I saw her affect you the way she did and the way you looked to me before you excused yourself. I needed to talk to you, to explain that it was only meant in jest, I needed to know that you were ok. When I caught up with you and saw the hurt in your eyes it broke my heart. Then you looked me directly in the eyes and asked, ‘is that all I am to you, a source of amusement?’ I was speechless, because all that I felt I hadn’t really allowed myself to understand or truly feel. I didn’t really know how to answer that question. When I reached for you again and you said, ‘what do you want from me?’ I had been struck. What did I want from you….it wasn’t just a source of amusement, it was so much more, more than I was capable of putting into words in that moment. When you asked me to leave you alone and I saw the hurt in your eyes, somehow I knew that you felt what I felt, and you were hurt by my inability to speak.”

“After the boat race, I took my time cleaning up so I could collect my thoughts and decide how to approach you, how to make it better, and how to tell you how I felt. Eliza was waiting for me and told me how she knew we would be together and how she never stopped loving me. If there was any moment that I was sure how I felt about you, it was in that moment. I felt ill, it felt all wrong. It made me angry and impatient to find you and tell you how I felt. I told Eliza that I didn’t wait for her, I no longer loved her, and didn’t want to be with her. I told her that she needed to return to London alone. Then, I immediately went back to Trafalgar house to find you and tell you how I felt. That is when I found you in Tom’s study and told you that I felt like my best, my truest self when I was with you and it was true, it came from deep within. I knew I wanted you, I needed you, and my life wouldn’t be complete without you. Looking back, I am sure I loved you then and probably even before then, but at that moment, I couldn’t have put that into words yet.” 

“That night I was restless, but not out of fear, or worry, but rather because I was hopeful for the first time in more than ten years. I was happy to be in your presence and I wanted to be near you as much as possible. I knew then that I must have you for my wife, but I had to plan so when I asked you possibly the most important question of my life, it would be perfect. The next morning was sublime when we walked along the cliffs and you stopped to question me about where we were walking. I hadn’t planned on kissing you, I wanted to treat you with the utmost respect and propriety, and yet being alone in your presence did something to me. Again I was drawn to you, but this time no one was there to interrupt the trance, the magic pull to you. I had to feel you, to taste you, to touch you. It was overwhelming and pure need, both physical and emotional. When our lips touched, I was utterly lost to you. There was no one else and there would never be anyone else for the rest of my life. That is when I knew, truly knew, deep down in my soul that I loved you with all that I was.”

“Then of course, we both know what happened…the dream was shattered as soon as it began. But that is all forgotten now…now that you are mine and I am yours...forever.”


	27. Charlotte Reflects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is only fair that Sidney hear when Charlotte fell in love with him. This will continue in another chapter.

Charlotte looked up into Sidney’s eyes and could see in them the depth of his feelings for her, the passion and love. She got up on her tip toes, placed her hands on the side of his face, and said, “I love you so much Mr. Sidney Parker”. Then she leaned in and kissed him with a kiss that expressed all of the love she felt. When the kiss ended, Sidney broke out into a pure, joyful grin and said, “Well then, fair is fair. Now you make me wonder, when did you first know you loved me? I was such a brute for many weeks, I am surprised you could have held any affection for me at all. Further, I worked very hard to ensure you wouldn’t form any sort of attachment.”

Charlotte smiled and laughed as she stared off into the distance as if she were looking into a reflection of their past, only from how she experienced it. After Sidney shared his feelings so could only see it all with a new set of eyes and understand it all so much better. Yet, when she lived it, it all felt so very different and yet….so much the same as it did for Sidney. Charlotte began, “I guess it is not an easy question to answer for me either, but maybe for different reasons completely. As you know I grew up in Willingden, a little town of no consequence, with my rather large family, in a house filled with laughter, love, and all that you could imagine it might be like in a family with parents who adored one another and who adored all of their children just the same. While nothing ever happens in Willingden, it didn’t always feel that way. With such a close and affectionate family, we often felt that we had all we needed right there in our home.”

“I had friends in the neighborhood and got along with others, but have been so close with my parents and siblings that I never felt lonely or alone. Though, to admit it, I craved time to myself often in a house like mine. We were given all of the things one needs in life, love, support, guidance, encouragement, and even some freedom, certainly more than most young ladies have. I was taught to be self-sufficient, industrious, curious, and creative. I could shoot, hunt, ride a horse, climb, jump, and even play cricket…however unfashionable that is for a woman. I am particularly close with my father, who more than anything else, encouraged the development of my mind. I was a voracious reader, enjoying so many books, from philosophy to science, history, and even novels from time to time. We would take turns reading, then discuss our thoughts and feelings together.”

“As I continued to grow and become more knowledgeable, more confident, and even more capable, I started to crave for more. I had read so many things that I became more curious and wanted to explore the world around me, beyond Willingden. However, with a family as large as mine that was particularly challenging and not very enjoyable for my parents. Beyond that, as you know, my father never wanted to travel more than 5 miles from home if he could avoid it. So, for the last few years, at least, I felt like I was waiting for life to begin. You see, I wasn’t looking for love, I somehow knew I would find it, as Tom said, ‘as sure as eggs are eggs’. Maybe that was because I had been surrounded by love my entire life that I never doubted it would happen, so I never felt the need to look for it. But….I was looking for adventure, a change, new people, and places to explore.”

“When Tom and Mary’s coach crashed on our property, after seeing to their safety, it was the most exciting thing to happen in Willingden in some time. While they stayed in our home while Tom recovered until he was healthy enough to travel, Tom shared stories about the town of Sanditon, and I knew I had to see it. Tom described things with such enthusiasm and a glint in his eyes. It was clear how much he loved the town. I could not help but fall in love with the town just from his words. When Tom and Mary offered to have my family stay, or at least one of us, I knew it was my chance for a new adventure and I had to take it. This was my chance to take charge of my life and jump right in.”

“When the cliffs and the seaside came into view from the carriage it took my breath away. I remember staring out the window with such wonder and excitement. Coming to Sanditon was such an incredible experience…not just the town, the seaside, the bathing machines, or the cliffs, though those were all sensational…it was so much more. I was meeting new people, who were so unique, so different from those I had known all my life in my small corner of the world. People seemed to have different motives and intentions. They said one thing, but meant another…or others, such as Lady Denham, said exactly what she meant directly and to the point, with no concern for the feelings of others. I enjoyed the variety, the newness, and I enjoyed the study of those around me. In Sanditon, there was much to study, just in the small company we kept, beginning with, I am sorry to say your brothers, Tom and Arthur, and your sister Diana. Beyond that though was Clara Brereton who was an enigma, Sir Edward Denham, Esther, Lady Denham, Mrs. Griffiths, Reverend Hankins…they were all enough to pique my curiosity.”

“While staying with Tom and Mary, the showed me the portrait of you in their home. I was of course, intrigued, because it was such a handsome rendering. I wanted to meet you, which I was told I would. I hadn’t really thought much more of it at the time.” Sidney interrupted with a sly smile, “ah, so you found me attractive even then.” Charlotte replied with a slight chuckle, “Sidney my dear, you cannot be surprised, as you can be in no doubt of your own physical attributes or how ladies tend to respond to them. So, please let me continue. Where was I, ah yes… Tom and Mary spoke highly of you…how much they depended on you and cared for you, particularly Mary. However, Esther Denham had warned me about you, saying to be careful…it created such a mixed account of you in my head. So, when Mary and I were walking along the cliffs on our way to Lady Denham and we saw someone riding in on a curricle and Mary said she thought it was you, I was certainly curious to meet you.”  
“Of course, you completely took me off guard and offended me right away when you asked if I was Mary’s new maid. I was struck speechless…which is very rare for me. Then, you couldn’t even take the trouble to remember my name and had to ask me to repeat it within less than 1 minute. I had to believe that while Mary and Tom loved you like a brother, Esther Denham’s impression may have been more accurate, but I was puzzled to be sure.”

“I was so excited to attend the mid-summer ball. I didn’t have much opportunity to attend balls and parties in Willingden and I do love to dance. When you, Mr. Crowe, and Mr. Babbington approached Esther, Clara, and I, I was very hopeful to be asked to dance. It had been so long since I last attended an event that had any sort of dancing. When Mr. Babbington asked if any of us might be inclined to dance, I couldn’t help but express my excitement. When Mr. Crowe asked Clara and Mr. Babbington asked Esther to dance, I was disappointed and resigned to the fact that I was likely not to be asked after how you received me earlier. Yet, you surprised me when you reached out your hand and said shall we…though clearly you didn’t want to dance with me. You were so stiff, distant, and didn’t look at me. It was as if you put a wall between us and were going through the motions as that was what was expected of you, but you didn’t care who you were with. It was awkward and uncomfortable….and quiet. I could not stand the discomfort…or the silence so had to speak. Something I said made you turn and consider me for a moment, but then Georgianna arrived and our dance was at an end, which was no loss because it was quite uncomfortable.”

“I continued to enjoy the evening and dance when asked. Then the behavior of both Clara and Sir Edward Denham were so queer it all puzzled me. I won’t go into the details of what brought it about or what was said, but it was all very strange. I needed to step away, catch my breath, and have a few moments to myself, so I went up to the balcony, which I assumed was empty. That is when I came upon you. Your demeanor on the balcony from the moment I stepped out to lean on the railing was so different than my first two encounters with you. For some reason, you seemed more open, curious, somewhat friendly, and even asked about my thoughts.”

“I had always been honest, open, direct, and encouraged to share my thoughts, ideas, and opinions at home, but knew in polite society that is not what is expected of young ladies. However, I was so used to sharing my thoughts, it often required me to pause and consider if I should share my thoughts in certain circumstances. So, when you asked me my opinion, seemed genuinely curious, and I was caught up in the exhilaration of the evening, I failed to filter my opinions before sharing them with a new acquaintance. Your rebuff was so strong, vehement, cut to the core…I was embarrassed, ashamed, and certainly didn’t want you to think I was speaking poorly of my hosts.”

“That was very difficult for me, but was also a good lesson to learn. Once I collected myself, I vowed to apologize to you for what I said the next time I saw you. I always felt that facing things head on was the right thing to do, and an apology could go a long way in mending bridges. So, when I saw you in town speaking with Tom, I prepared myself to speak with you and make my apology with haste. Your response yet again, was quite shocking. You were intentionally hurtful. I had never met anyone like you…so hard, distant, and even angry. I couldn’t understand how you could go out of your way to say that you didn’t care what I thought or felt, when you could have just waved me off if you didn’t really care. You got under my skin, you infuriated me, and you triggered my innate sense of justice. I would not let you break me down, I would show you that I was stronger than that. Looking back, I am sure that somehow that is where it all began. You got under my skin and put me off-balance. I never had a problem getting along with people and I had never met someone who could be provoked into anger with such little provocation.”


End file.
